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I am a Banana (All Grown Up)

Norwich vs Ipswich JOKES!!

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Q: Did you hear that the Post Office just recalled their latest stamps?
A: They had pictures of Ipswich players on them ... and people couldn''t figure out which side to spit on

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A Norwich van driver used to amuse himself by running over every Ipswich Town fan he would see strutting down the side of the road in their ubiquitous blue colours. He would swerve to hit them, there would be a loud ''thud'' and then he would swerve back on the road.

One day, as the driver was driving along, he saw a priest hitchhiking. He thought he would do a good turn and pulled the van over. He asked the Priest, "Where are you going, Father?"
"I''m going to say mass at St. Joseph''s church, about 2 miles down the road" replied the priest.
"No problem Father! I''ll give you a lift! climb in!"

The happy priest climbed into the passenger seat and the van continued down the road.

Suddenly the driver saw an Ipswich fan walking down the road and instinctively swerved to hit him. But, just in time, he remembered the priest, so at the last minute he swerved back to the road, narrowly missing the Ipswich fan. However even though he was certain he missed the Ipswich fan, he still heard a loud ''thud''. Not understanding where the noise came from, he glanced in his mirrors and when he didn''t see anything he turned to the priest and said, "I''m sorry Father, I almost hit that Ipswich fan,"
"That''s okay" replied the priest. "I got him with the door!"

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A norwich fan, An ipswich fan and an Arsenal fan are all killed in a car accident and end up in hell...

 when they get down there ole Beelzebub says to them "you know what fellas, ive got a bit of a bad rep.. but im not all bad.. Before I condem u all to an eternity for your sins its customary to give all new lost souls a whipping.. like a welcoming present if u like.. but because im not a bad sort, despite the stories.. im going to allow you to wear something over your back to lessen the impact of the blows."

the 3 dead men all look at each other and nod agreeably.. the Ipswich fan steps up first.. "ok Satan me old Mate.. i''ll have a sack of feathers tied to my back" he gets the feathers and smiles smugly thinking they will soften the blow.. Satans Firey whip makes light work of them and the fan is given a flogging!

 The Ipswich fan steps up and says "ok, i''ll have a mattress strapped to my back"... he gets the matress and again, the same effect.

 It comes to the turn of the Norwich fan.. the devil looks at him and says "ok then... what do u want strapped to your back to lessen the blows?"

the Norwich fan points at the Ipswich fan and says "him please!"

jas :)

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What do you call an Ipswich fan in a suit?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The accused.

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[8-|]Rumour has it that Ipswich have got a new sponsor: Tampax. The board thought it was an appropriate change as the club is going through a very bad period.

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A little boy took his parents to court because he did not want to live with them anymore. The honored judge said to him "So why don''t you want to live with your dad?"
"Because he beats me" said the little boy.
"Why don''t you want to live with your mum then?" asked the judge.
Because she beats me aswell.
"Oh" said the judge "Well who would you like to live with then?"
The little boy replied" I would like to live with Ipswich Town FC, because they don''t beat anyone!!"

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4 surgeons are taking a tea break:

1st surgeon says "Accountants are the best to operate on because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."

2nd surgeon says "Nope, librarians are the best. Everything inside them is in alphabetical order."

3rd surgeon says "Well you should try electricians. Everything inside them is colour coded."

4th surgeon says "I prefer Ipswich fans. They''re heartless, spineless, gutless and their heads and a**es are interchangeable."

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heres one against us :(

 

Delia Smith was wheeling her shopping trolley across the supermarket car park when she noticed an old lady struggling with her shopping.

She stopped and asked, "Can you manage dear?" to which the old lady replied, "no way you got yourself into this mess, don''t ask me to sort it out!"

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A Bloke walks into a bric-a-brac shop and sees an ornamental brass rat, the sort of thing women of a certain age love to put on the mantlepiece. He thinks "that''ll be perfect for his Mother''s birthday", so he asks the shopkeeper how much it is.

"£25 for the rat, £100 for the story", replies the man.

"Forget the story" says the bloke, and so buys the rat for 25 quid. He walks off down the road, but has not gone 30 yards when a rat comes up from the gutter and starts to follow him. Soon more arrive, and in a few minutes the whole street is a sea of rats, all following the bloke, who keeps walking until he comes to a cliff. He throws the brass rat over, and millions of rats follow, one after each other, plunging to certain death. The bloke them runs back to shop.....

"Aaaah", says the shop keeper, "you''ll be back for the story"

"Stuff the story - do you have a brass ipswich fan?"

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A Norwich and Ipswich fan get into a nasty car accident. Both vehicles are really wrecked, but amazingly neither of them are hurt.

After they crawl out of their cars, the Ipswich fan says, "So you''re a Norwich fan, that''s interesting. I''m an Ipswich fan... Wow! Just look at our cars. There''s nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace the rest of our days."

The Norwich fan replied,"Totally agree - this must be a sign from God!" The Norwich fan went on, "And look at this - here''s another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of whisky didn''t break. Surely God wants us to drink it, to celebrate the fact we are alive and kicking?"

He hands the bottle to the Ipswich fan who nods his head in agreement, opens it and takes few big swigs from the bottle, then hands it back to the Norwich fan. The Norwich fan takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands back to the Ipswich fan. The Ipswich fan asks, "Aren''t you having any?" The Norwich fan replies, "Nah...I think I''ll just wait for the police......"

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one against us :(

 

Delia Smith was wheeling her shopping trolley across the supermarket car park when she noticed an old lady struggling with her shopping.

She stopped and asked, "Can you manage dear?" to which the old lady replied, "no way, you got yourself into this mess, don''t ask me to sort it out!"

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An Ipswich fan is trapped on a remote desert island with a sheep and a dog. Soon, the sheep starts looking really attractive to the Ipswich fan. However, whenever he approaches a sheep the dog growls in a threatening manner.

The Ipswich fan takes the dog to the opposite side of the island giving it some food as a distraction. He runs back to the sheep only to find the dog growling at him. The Ipswich fan ties the dog to a tree with a large leash. He goes back to the sheep only to find the dog growling with a gnawed off leash around its neck.

By now, the Ipswich fan is getting depressed and frustrated. As he sits under a palm tree staring out to sea, a beautiful woman in a tight-fitting wet suit emerges from the surf.

She asks him who he is and, taking pity upon his lonely state, asks if there''s ANYTHING she could do for him. The Ipswich fan thinks for a moment and then responds, "Could you take the dog for a walk?

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A wee fella hands over a £50 note to the turnstile operator at Carrow Road 
Fella:                     " Two please".
Turnstile Operator:    "Will that be defenders or strikers, sir"?

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If the takeover of Ipswich Football Club goes ahead I''ve heard they''ll start work immediately on one of the stadiums sites. I''ve also heard a rumour the foundations are going to be a MILE deep! So it''s my guess they''re actually looking for oil!

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