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MadDan

Ich bin ein Binner

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Seeing that our penniless neighbours have still to play Sunderland, Sheff Utd and West Brom I''ve decided to become an honorary binner if any of those games are shown live on Sky.

Any points taken off the above three by the binners will undoubtedly help us.

So during the game I shall sit on the sofa and moan. When not moaning I shall sit in silence with only the occassional mutter about good old days to break that silence.

At half time I shall go into the kitchen to get a cup of tea from the lady of the house and finding her to be from Norfolk I shall commence to talk in a pretend cockney accent believing that this impresses her. In fact I''ll probably spend most of the half time boring the ars off her by droning on and on about the binner''s glorious history, world beating pitch and the two statues* outside the ground

If the binners are losing I shall I shall get up and leave before the end and go back to my place as I don''t have Sky TV. I''ll then write endless letters to the paper to complain that I was made to walk the long way home rather than cut across the neighbour''s garden as per usual when he''s not at home.

I shall also a make a mental note to cuff the ear of the kids in the bus shelter who were laughing at my blue and white bobble hat, hand knitted scarf and white inflatable donkey that I was carrying on my way home.





* in the back four more like

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While your at it Dan why not sign up the donkey and then give it away to Watford later, when you realise that he cant play football, like they have just done with santos

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Wouldn''t it be better just to hope for a draw????

I think it would be better for your state of mind and health not to have a full labotamy for certain matches.

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TREASON! Mad Dan, become an honouray binner? NEVER!.

Oh, I can picture the scence now, Carrow Rd , Saturday, 10 minutes before kick off, Mad Dan is escorted on to the pitch by a team of drummers clad from head to foot in black and beating the dead march.

In front of a baying Barclay, Delia approaches, her head covered by a black veil to hide her tears. Standing errect, Mad Dan''s scarf, hat and replica shirt is torn from his worthless body, and cast to the Barclay mob who trample the pieces of soiled and once sacred garments underfoot.

His season ticket (if he has one) is ripped into a hundred pieces and scattered to the four winds.

Then, again flanked by the drummers he is paraded around the ground, where the City faithful spit on him, and with calls of ''Foul Traitor'' echoing in his ears, he is marched out of the ground...forever!.

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Or "Foul Tractor" perhaps?
This is brilliant, from the title to the responses, best post oscar nominee without question!
Wiz, you are exceeding yourself!

''tis a difficult conundrum though. If we''re going to carry on with this dodgy spell we''re gonna need exactly those teams - WBA, Sheff United and Sunderland - to drop points in our overall quest for the grail.

Perhaps temporary binnership would be less punishable? Where the members all meet in an abandoned warehouse on a distant fen for the games in question, and behave as described with said mockney accents and a crate of IPA. Blurrgh!!
We have to see the bigger picture Wiz!

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It''ll be like watching your mother in law drive over a cliff in your brand new car.

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Gee thanks A1, Hmm, temporary binner eh?, although a lesser crime, that still smacks of treason in my book. Although I would advocate only a 30 stroke lashing in front of the Wensum stand for that!.

I would not seek a total banishment either, but a 2 month stint at cleaning the Barclay loo with his/her toothbrush as a suitable pennance. Compulsory cleaning his/her teeth with it afterwards would be required for all round purification of his/her soul, if not their stomach!.

Yep, I know you''re proberly right about the bigger picture, damn it, but if they thought for one minute, that them winning would help us in any way, they would''nt try hard to win, I would''nt trust that crowd to p"" on my house if it was burning down, they''re that twisted mate!.

And can you imagine the boasting that they HELPED us get promotion if they did win those games?, the idea of that has just cleared up my constipation problem in a flash!.

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The only solution is to hope for 0-0 with both sides having at least two players sent off.

If Delia is doing lashings down by the Wensum, can I go first?

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This is a difficult one. A real dilemma. If you can want the Binners to win to satisfy our own ends, are you being a traitor? Probably not, as our own need/desire is the major motivating factor, not their ultimate success, however remote. However, actually thinking about wanting them to win does make anyone with green and yellow blood feel quite nauseous. Perhaps a bit of fence-sitting in hoping for a bore-draw - (not likely with their defence though, is it?) - is the preferred option. That way you are not wishing for their success, but are hoping that they will reduce the point-gathering potential of our rivals. As for the title of this thread and my feeling about it...Ich bin KEIN Binner, and never will be, so the draw option it is for me, as with you, Tumbleweed. Know a good fence where we can sit together with fingers and legs crossed?

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Has no else noticed that this is in fact an excellent position because we can enjoy the result either way. We are either in a better position or we see Ipswich lose. Granted I''d rather the better position, so I can see your predicament. Talking of positions, will everyone lighten up about Norwich. I am as worried as anyone else but we are top of the league. Forgive me if im wrong but is that not reason to be cheerful.

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Mad Dan / 1st Wiz - please take this in the jest in which it is intended...

M''Lud

Today before the bench we have a tragic case of Mad Dan, a die hard Canary, who has been lead astray by thoughts of the dark side.

The case for the prosecution is brought by 1st Wizard, high priest of Lowestoft, the defence by NMTD.

1st Wiz : There is no excuse - its TREASON!!!!

[Gasps from the public gallery]

NMTD : In defence M''Lud, I put it to you that Mad Dan was merely enforcing his desire for the success of his beloved Canaries. He is not counselling any thoughts of a blue & white nature

1st Wiz : TREASON I TELL YOU!! OFF WITH HIS HEAD!!

NMTD : My client wishes to state that he would only take delight in the loss of teams that oppose the mighty Canaries quest for the holy grail - he would take no delight whatsoever in the resulting benefit to the unwashed.

1st Wiz : BURN HIM!! BURN HIM!!

NMTD : Whilst I can accept that Mad Dan''s soothsaying may have given rise to great angst in my learned friend, and I myself could never entertain a positive word to pass my lips regarding the southerners, the stress of the current situation is affecting my client in ways unforeseen and I plead for mercy in his case. By way of punishment I suggest a very cold shower by way of dunking in the Wensum which hopefully banish any blue & white thoughts from his tortured mind. By way of medication I prescribe 3 points on Saturday.

1st Wiz : That''ll do nicely - you are reprieved son - now I don''t want to see you back here again - do you understand?

[Tears flow from the eyes of the assembled crowd]

The court is dismissed

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I wish to appeal (I may not appeal to many but that''s another issue)

I wish to claim my right as a honest(ish) born son of Norfolk to do whatever is required in the quest to see the Premiership flag once more flying over Carrow Road.

Is it treason to want our club back where it belongs ?

If so, then yes I am a traitor.

You can hang me from the yardarm, cut out my gizzards and nail the remaning parts to Carrow Bridge.

Drag me along King''s Street in a tumbrell and subject me to all the scorn and abuse of fellow Norfolk folk before that but you will never break my will.

If a win for the binners - who have as much chance of being promoted as Sheepshanks has of being mistaken for an albino - robs our rivals of points then I shall don the vile blue garments, hold my nose and know that it is a far, far better thing that I do, than I have ever done before.

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NMTD and Mad Dan: both superb replies, I''m pleased that you have both taken this in the spirit it was meant.

Tumbleweed: I''d never thought about Delia, cladded entirely in red leather, I suggest (To hide the blood) whipping treasonous fans in front of the Wensum stand, my God what a queue there would be, me included!.

Since my first thoughts, I''d like to add a few others, the following posters are all in the Barclay when the ceremony takes place.

CITY ANGEL: ''How dare that mad Dan ''turn'' against my beloved Darren, execute him now!''.

SUSIEB: '' Yeah I knew it was him all long, I had a dream about him last night''. ''Cut his bloody hands off!''

YANKEE CANARY: ''Oh, so this is what a football ground looks like!''.

WORTHY OUT: ''While you''re there Deals, give old Nigel a thrashing, might wake the bu**er up!''.

ME: ''He''s guilty as sin, rip his toenails out, no, hang on, I''ve got a better idea, Humble and ham, trouble and stuff, a curse of the helix hex be upon you Dan''.

Any other candidates you can think of for the spectators?.

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Without wishing to digress from your desire to expand the thread Wizard, I''m more concerned that the mother-in-law doesn''t see Kathy''s post.

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The mother-in-law is a scummer and hasnt worked out how to move the cursor down the screen yet.

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Kathy - so your M-I-L doesn''t know everything then? Thats strange - mine does!

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Further up Ist Wizard posted -

" Standing errect, Mad Dan''s scarf,....... "

Must have been the stiff breeze, dear boy

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