My father's legacy

[Graham Paddons Beard 2,888]

2 hours ago, ricardo said:

I began taking my own son when he was only about 8 years old and we laughed and cried together for the next forty seven seasons until I lost him two years ago. Carrow Rd will always be the place I feel closest to him.

Ricardo as I sit here with my executive Tesco meal deal I have to say this has me close to tears . What a wonderful sentiment to draw after so much heartache. My thoughts are with you. 

[Robert N. LiM 6,442]

Some lovely posts on here.

One of the really good things about Fever Pitch is the way Nick Hornby talks about how football can bring fathers and sons closer together, or provide a topic and backdrop to allow them to communicate. Have always loved this section from near the beginning.

 

My parents were separated by 1968. My father had
met someone else and moved out, and I lived with
my mother and my sister in a small detached house
in the Home Counties. This state of affairs was
unremarkable enough in itself (although I cannot
recall anyone else in my class with an absent
parent - the sixties took another seven or eight
years to travel the twenty-odd miles down the M4
from London), but the break-up had wounded all 40
four of us in various ways, as break-ups are wont to
do.

There were, inevitably, a number of difficulties
that arose from this new phase of family life,
although the most crucial in this context was
probably the most banal: the commonplace but
nevertheless intractable one-parent
Saturday-afternoon-at the zoo problem. Often Dad
was only able to visit us midweek; no one really
wanted to stay in and watch TV, for obvious
reasons, but on the other hand there wasn't really
anywhere else a man could take two children under
twelve. Usually the three of us drove to a
neighbouring town, or up to one of the airport hotels,
where we sat in a cold and early-evening deserted
restaurant, and where Gill and I ate steak or chicken,
one or the other, in more or less complete silence
(children are not great dinner conversationalists, as a
rule, and in any case we were used to eating with the
TV on), while Dad watched. He must have been
desperate to find something else to do with us, but the
options in a commuter-belt town between 6.30 and
9.00 on a Monday night were limited.
That summer, Dad and I went to a hotel near
Oxford for a week, where in the evenings we sat in a
deserted hotel dining room, and where I ate steak or
chicken, one or the other, in more or less complete
silence. After dinner we went to watch TV with the
other guests, and Dad drank too much. Things had to
change.

My father tried again with the football that September,
and he must have been amazed when I said yes. I
had never before said yes to any suggestion of his,
although I rarely said no either. I just smiled politely
and made a noise intended to express interest but no
commitment, a maddening trait I think I invented
especially for that time in my life but which has
somehow remained with me ever since. For two or
three years he had been trying to take me to the
theatre; every time he asked I simply shrugged and
grinned idiotically, with the result that eventually Dad
would get angry and tell me to forget it, which was
what I wanted him to say. And it wasn't just Shakespeare,
either: I was equally suspicious of rugby
matches and cricket matches and boat trips and days
out to Silverstone and Longleat. I didn't want to do
anything at all. None of this was intended to punish
my father for his absence: I really thought that I would
be happy to go anywhere with him, apart from every
single place he could think of.

There is a short story by the American writer
Andre Dubus entitled 'The Winter Father', about a
man whose divorce has separated him from his two
children. In the winter his relationship with them is
tetchy and strained: they move from afternoon jazz
club to cinema to restaurant, and stare at each
other. But in the summer, when they can go to the
beach, they get on fine. 'The long beach and the
sea were their lawn; the blanket their home; the ice
chest and thermos their kitchen. They lived as a
family again.' Sitcoms and films have long
recognised this terrible tyranny of place, and depict
men traipsing round parks with fractious kids and a
frisbee. But 'The Winter Father' means a lot to me
because it goes further than that: it manages to
isolate what is valuable in the relationship between
parents and children, and explains simply and
precisely why the zoo trips are doomed.
In this country, as far as I know, Bridlington and
Minehead are unable to provide the same kind of
liberation as the New England beaches in Dubus's
story; but my father and I were about to come up
with the perfect English equivalent. Saturday
afternoons in north London gave us a context in
which we could be together. We could talk when we
wanted, the football gave us something to talk
about (and anyway the silences weren't
oppressive), and the days had a structure, a routine.
The Arsenal pitch was to be our lawn (and, being an
English lawn, we would usually peer at it mournfully
through driving rain); the Gunners' Fish Bar on
Blackstock Road our kitchen; and the West Stand
our home. It was a wonderful set-up, and changed
our lives just when they needed changing most, but
it was also exclusive: Dad and my sister never
really found anywhere to live at all. Maybe now that
wouldn't happen; maybe a nine-year-old girl in the
nineties would feel that she had just as much right to
go to a game as we did. But in 1969 in our town, this
was not an idea that had much currency, and my
sister had to stay at home with her mum and her dolls.

[Mutley 190]

On 24/10/2024 at 08:47, daly said:

I remember going with my Granddad just after the war and  leaving our bikes in a terrace house garden cost probably 1d

Loving this photograph although a few years before my time. However, I can remember the railings at the front being just like that when I first watched a game. And Bonds being advertised at the back of the River End. 

[Mutley 190]

Many thanks for all of your kind words following the death of my Dad. OTBC! 

[Fosterslager88 22]

My condolences too. Carrow Road can be a tricky place when such a thing happens.

I had a ST with my Dad and lost him to the dreaded C last year, I knew it was coming and in my mind I had already reconciled that I would be cancelling my season ticket too when we lost him as it would be too hard going without him.

After we lost him I went to the club shop to get a scarf for the funeral and cancel our season tickets, but I walked out of the shop with mine still intact as I was overcome with a feeling of comfort just being in the place he enjoyed the most and knew he would have been so disappointed in me if I had stopped going.

I returned a few weeks later and moved into his seat which I stayed in last season before it just became too hard.

I’ve moved to the opposite side of the stadium for this season and felt a weight lift off me (the football now probably helps too!), although I still miss him every time I go to a match I also take comfort from being there too doing what he no longer can and being there for both of us.

Sorry I’ve probably gone on a bit but in time I hope you take the same comfort too by carrying on.

[ricardo 8,109]

3 hours ago, Fosterslager88 said:

 I was overcome with a feeling of comfort just being in the place he enjoyed the most and knew he would have been so disappointed in me if I had stopped going.

 

Thats exactly how I feel. He now has his memorial stone in the wall and it gives me comfort to think that he will always be there with me in spirit.

[Graham Paddons Beard 2,888]

7 hours ago, Fosterslager88 said:

My condolences too. Carrow Road can be a tricky place when such a thing happens.

I had a ST with my Dad and lost him to the dreaded C last year, I knew it was coming and in my mind I had already reconciled that I would be cancelling my season ticket too when we lost him as it would be too hard going without him.

After we lost him I went to the club shop to get a scarf for the funeral and cancel our season tickets, but I walked out of the shop with mine still intact as I was overcome with a feeling of comfort just being in the place he enjoyed the most and knew he would have been so disappointed in me if I had stopped going.

I returned a few weeks later and moved into his seat which I stayed in last season before it just became too hard.

I’ve moved to the opposite side of the stadium for this season and felt a weight lift off me (the football now probably helps too!), although I still miss him every time I go to a match I also take comfort from being there too doing what he no longer can and being there for both of us.

Sorry I’ve probably gone on a bit but in time I hope you take the same comfort too by carrying on.

Fantastic words and sentiment Fosters. 
This is a fabulous thread . 

[Mutley 190]

Well that was an emotional afternoon. My Dad would have loved that game with such a wonderful atmosphere, great entertainment, a stirring Norwich fight back and sensational goals. 
 

Informing the supporters around me about my Dads’s death was really hard and they were so supportive and the whole experience was made so much more  poignant as a young father behind me had brought his son to his first game. It felt like Norwich had lost one supporter but gained another. 

[Mr Tea 140]

3 minutes ago, Mutley said:

Well that was an emotional afternoon. My Dad would have loved that game with such a wonderful atmosphere, great entertainment, a stirring Norwich fight back and sensational goals. 
 

Informing the supporters around me about my Dads’s death was really hard and they were so supportive and the whole experience was made so much more  poignant as a young father behind me had brought his son to his first game. It felt like Norwich had lost one supporter but gained another. 

And that there is what’s it’s all about isn’t it ?

Glad you had a great game and some big goals for all those we have lost to look a down and smile about. 
 

OTBC ,for all those  past and present. 

[Robert N. LiM 6,442]

19 hours ago, Mutley said:

It felt like Norwich had lost one supporter but gained another. 

Beautiful sentiment. OTBC

[Mutley 190]

Today the club held a memorial service for families and friends of supporters that had died in the past year.

It was a poignant occasion for me and my son to be a part of in memory of my father and the club chaplain Jon Norman conducted it very sensitively. Then we all observed that round of applause ahead of kick off. And to cap it off two added on time goals and a win that my father would have been talking about for weeks. 
 

A massive thank you to the club for arranging this. I had the opportunity to talk to Zoe Webber who attended the memorial service and this made me thankful that we do have an accessible club who cares for their fans. The club is not perfect, but on this occasion they should rightly be applauded. 

[Robert N. LiM 6,442]

Just now, Mutley said:

Today the club held a memorial service for families and friends of supporters that had died in the past year.

It was a poignant occasion for me and my son to be a part of in memory of my father and the club chaplain Jon Norman conducted it very sensitively. Then we all observed that round of applause ahead of kick off. And to cap it off two added on time goals and a win that my father would have been talking about for weeks. 
 

A massive thank you to the club for arranging this. I had the opportunity to talk to Zoe Webber who attended the memorial service and this made me thankful that we do have an accessible club who cares for their fans. The club is not perfect, but on this occasion they should rightly be applauded. 

Great to hear it went well today. OTBC 

[ron obvious 1,732]

There's a programme on Radio 3 called Words & Music which takes a topic & alternates a prose passage, always beautifully read, by a male & a female narrator, with a piece of music, which can be of any genre. It's often the highlight of the week.

A while ago they had one on the topic of death. I wasn't going to listen; I thought it would be too depressing. However, once I began listening I realised it wasn't about death a all, but about love. Inevitably i ended up with tears streaming down my cheeks, but more for the joy of the love expressed than the sadness of death itself.

This thread is the same. Ultimately there is only love.

Edited January 4 by ron obvious

[Berkshire Canary 13]

5 hours ago, Mutley said:

Today the club held a memorial service for families and friends of supporters that had died in the past year.

It was a poignant occasion for me and my son to be a part of in memory of my father and the club chaplain Jon Norman conducted it very sensitively. Then we all observed that round of applause ahead of kick off. And to cap it off two added on time goals and a win that my father would have been talking about for weeks. 
 

A massive thank you to the club for arranging this. I had the opportunity to talk to Zoe Webber who attended the memorial service and this made me thankful that we do have an accessible club who cares for their fans. The club is not perfect, but on this occasion they should rightly be applauded. 

Firstly, my condolences on your loss. I’ve not been about on the forum for a while so a lot has passed me by.

Just wanted to second this. Lost my Mum earlier in the year and the memorial service and pre match tributes meant the world. Started going to games with her and my Grandad in the late 80’s and whilst she was no longer well enough to attend games she would always tune in to support the lads every Saturday.

Due to various circumstances this was the first game I had attended in the last 4-5 years but the amount of effort and care the club put into this was so appreciated and the way the match played out felt like a fitting tribute in itself. 

[Inch High aka Inchy.. 420]

May your dad rest in an eternal yellow and green peace. 

[Mutley 190]

On 05/01/2025 at 01:33, Berkshire Canary said:

Firstly, my condolences on your loss. I’ve not been about on the forum for a while so a lot has passed me by.

Just wanted to second this. Lost my Mum earlier in the year and the memorial service and pre match tributes meant the world. Started going to games with her and my Grandad in the late 80’s and whilst she was no longer well enough to attend games she would always tune in to support the lads every Saturday.

Due to various circumstances this was the first game I had attended in the last 4-5 years but the amount of effort and care the club put into this was so appreciated and the way the match played out felt like a fitting tribute in itself. 

Many thanks for your message 'Berkshire Canary' and my sincere condolences in the loss of your Mum.

We can always find something to complain about in life and find fault with in our club but on this occasion there can be nothing but praise. 

The match was indeed a 'fitting tribute in itself!'