Cheeky Monkey 0 Posted March 7, 2006 Does anyone know why Alan Shearer would have been in Norwich last Thursday? A friend at work saw him on Prince of Wales Road signing his autograph.a) He has publicily said that he will give up Premier football this yearb) He is doing his coaching badgesc) Why was the meeting between Roy Blower and the Board postponed for a week?Sorry, I hate conspiracy theories normally. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
I am Spacticus!! 0 Posted March 7, 2006 Cheeky monkey,I would normally put a reasoned case as to the pros and cons of such a post..................but can''t be bothered. One thought does spring to mind...what alot of B*@~%&*s[;)] Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Dionysus 0 Posted March 7, 2006 I think his sister lives or used to live in Old Lakenham near the Lakenham Cock. Maybe he''s visiting family. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
south stand corner terrace 0 Posted March 7, 2006 Oh Please...... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Tom NCFC 0 Posted March 7, 2006 Personally I think Alan Shearer would do a better job than Worthy! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mello Yello 2,278 Posted March 7, 2006 Dalmatian ''spotted'' in Eaton Park!........ Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Citizen Journalist Foghorn 0 Posted March 7, 2006 If only....... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Hucka Hucka Huckerby 0 Posted March 7, 2006 There''s more chance of me becoming an Ipswich fan than Shearer even considering a move here!!!! This has to be the funniest rumour I''ve ever heard!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Homerdude 0 Posted March 7, 2006 To be fair, I actually think it is a viable question to ask. I’ m no fan of conspiracy theories either, but I do happen to know the exact reasons behind this – it goes as follows – Alan Shearer was indeed on Prince of Wales Road last Thursday. Probably. He wasn’t signing an autograph simply for an autograph’s sake however; he was actually signing a contract that stated the following: “I, Alan Shearer, being of sound body and mind, and slightly receding hairline, hereby declare my intent to teach Norfolk schoolchildren the importance of one handed goal celebrations, with none of this somersaulting or forward rolling nonsense. I may have decided to retire from premiership football to spend more time badgering, but I still want ridiculous goal celebrations stopped”. There is much more to this than initially meets the eye however, and it does lean itself much more towards a conspiracy theory than you might think - the contract doesn’t tell the whole story. The contract is just a cover story for a much darker deed – As everyone knows, Alan Shearer spelt backwards spells Reraehs Nala, which “unbelievably” stands for Badger Boy in the old ancient hibidy-jibidy language. Alan Shearer contains 11 letters, and, get this, SO DOES Reraehs Nala. Add this fact to the fact that if you add 2 more letters to Badger Boy, then you also get 11 LETTERS…FACT. I know you’ll be reeling from this myriad of FACTS already, but there is much much more… “He (Shearer) is doing his coaching badges” – this is actually code for, “Shearer is coaching Badgers, (as in the miniature black & white stripy head grizzly bear look-alike type badger)”. Clearly Shearer is (or worse, HAS) coaching these cuddly, shy, bovine TB carriers, possibly at Colney, in order to train and harness a crack team of Badgers to tunnel under Carrow Road. On good authority, the species of Badgers is the fearsome Stink Badgers. These SAS veterans of the Badger world will emerge in the opponent’s dressing rooms on match days and savage the players & coaching staff within. The badger’s coup de grace is horrendous, (if you are young, or of a nervous disposition, please avert your eyes now. Read two more lines with your eyes closed and start again at the next paragraph). They (the Badgers) will excrete smelly stuff from glands near their bumhole – anyone unlucky enough to catch a whiff, will collapse in a heap, probably gibbering. The postponed meeting is an easy one to explain away – the board were attending a presentation by the Stink Badger Association. The Board needed to ensure that the little blighters would be hardy and tough enough to tunnel under Carrow Road, and intelligent enough not to get lost on the mission and build a home under the under soil heating system. Regarding the meeting with Mr Blower, the Board simply could not afford for Mr Blower or anyone else to get an inkling of the dirty badgery deeds that are/were underfoot at NCFC… they could not risk the whole sordid plan being exposed, hence the board had no option but to delay. This they did in the most efficient and ruthless manner “worthy” of any James Bond Baddie – they postponed the meeting. The Board have also implemented some contingency plans…if the Stink Badgers bumhole glands leak before they are due, or anything like that, Delia has prepared a statement to the effect of - “The Kitchen are experimenting boiling eggs. A whole lorry load of eggs”. This will ensure that anybody who is snooping around looking for badger related dirty doings, is thrown, quite literally, off the scent…ahem…apologies for the pun… So, if there is a funny, musty badger poo type smell at Carrow Road for the next home game, you heard it here first! And, as far as this conspiracy theorist is aware, no badgers, or their bumhole glands, have been harmed in the fabrication of this made up theory. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Citizen Journalist Foghorn 0 Posted March 7, 2006 [quote user="McKenzies Debut"]There''s more chance of me becoming an Ipswich fan than Shearer even considering a move here!!!! This has to be the funniest rumour I''ve ever heard!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!![/quote]why?? he is looking for a management post and he isnt going to go straight to Newcastle - he has already admitted this?? so why not Norwich?? he could do FAR worse. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Hucka Hucka Huckerby 0 Posted March 7, 2006 [quote user="Citizen Journalist Foghorn"][quote user="McKenzies Debut"]There''s more chance of me becoming an Ipswich fan than Shearer even considering a move here!!!! This has to be the funniest rumour I''ve ever heard!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!![/quote]why?? he is looking for a management post and he isnt going to go straight to Newcastle - he has already admitted this?? so why not Norwich?? he could do FAR worse.[/quote]Didn''t he say he''s taking a year out of football completely first? Anyway, just like Glen Roeder, I don''t think he has all the badges to be a full time manager yet. (Although he could be caretaker) Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Syteanric 1 Posted March 7, 2006 [quote user="Dionysus"]near the Lakenham Cock. [/quote]i thought Worthy lived in the Country???Poor i know!!! sorry!!!!jas :) Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
AJ 1,218 Posted March 7, 2006 yeah, maybe your looking at the map wrong...... Newcastle...... Norwich, a tad far apart [;)]a) He has publicily said that he will give up Premier football this year - so what? he wants to become a coach... (at newcastle)b) He is doing his coaching badges - yes, so was Robertsc) Why was the meeting between Roy Blower and the Board postponed for a week? - reason was so "more people could attend" according to the pinkun Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Cheeky Monkey 0 Posted March 7, 2006 OK I know. Quite far fetched. But I promise you, he was on POWR last Thursday morning. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Cheeky Monkey 0 Posted March 7, 2006 AJ I''ve checked multimap and there is no POWR in Newcastle - lucky them. I promise you he was in Norwich last Thursday. As someone says, maybe he has rellies here? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Alex Harvey-Jones 0 Posted March 7, 2006 [quote user="jas the barclay king"][quote user="Dionysus"]near the Lakenham Cock. [/quote]i thought Worthy lived in the Country???Poor i know!!! sorry!!!!jas :)[/quote] Very poor indeed but it still managed to make me chuckle!!! ;-) Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
huck tastic<IMG src="http:new.pinkun.comforumsimagesline.gif"><BR><FONT face="Comic Sans MS">Bryan Hamilton could turn this around...<BR><FONT> 0 Posted March 7, 2006 probably buying creosote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
I am Spacticus!! 0 Posted March 7, 2006 Homerdude I don''t know what you do for a living,but i think you should write a book about conspiracy theories...never chuckled so much in my life....welll there was the time........... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Cheeky Monkey 0 Posted March 8, 2006 [quote user="huck tastic"]probably buying creosote[/quote]Why? Are his fences wet? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
philbuzz 0 Posted March 8, 2006 homerdude you need to post more articles like that,pure quality! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Homerdude 0 Posted March 8, 2006 Thanks very much guys...I''ll keep checking the odd rumours that come up from time to time, and if any look like they contain any conspiracy type material, I''ll be sure to consult the "book of theories" looking for any correlation (the flimsier the better)... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
