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Disco Dales Jockstrap

The REAL story behind Farke and Smith.

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I've finally had a chance to speak to my sauces within the club and I think I can now give you the entire picture as to the amazing events of the last week.

Firstly, why did Daniel have to go…

Mr HP (my 1st sauce) stated that Farke’s downfall started when he had a series of disagreements with Todd Cantwell and Billy Gilmour that then led to further issues within the Norwich camp.

Apparently, it started when Daniel went out and picked up some Penguins for a light snack after training for the lads and Todd and Billy went off on one. Both are strong Kit Kat men and were not backward about coming forward about it. This in turn upset Pukki; his staple diet as a child in Finland were penguins and so he appreciated Farke’s biscuit selection. Todd then pointed out that penguins were not native to Finland and that in fact he was probably confusing them with Alcidae, a family of seabirds which are superficially similar to them. Well Pukki lost his sh*t at this point, stealing Todd’s Alice Band and breaking it in two; they have yet to reconcile their differences.

The final straw though was all to do with our Chelsea loanny starlet Billy ‘I had an OK game against England’ Gilmour. Billy had just finished his best training session since joining Norwich and was on a proper high as a result. He skipped all the way to Farke and asked if he could take the stabilisers off his bike and have a ride around Colney but Daddy Daniel said no. Billy cried and cried until he wet himself. After that, Farke was toast.

Now on to Dean Smith. Within minutes of Daniel emptying his fridge of his favourite ASDA German sausage selection pack, Webber was on the blower trying to contact not Dean…but Franky Lampard! Yes, Franky was the 1st choice. Mr Heinz (my 2nd sauce) has confirmed it. Unfortunately, he couldn’t get through to Franky but managed to contact his best mate and all round man of the people big JT. The conversation didn’t last long however as big JT abruptly asked for a break-down of the squad by nationality and skin colour so he could start to write some ‘motivation slogans’ for each player. Spooked, Webber quickly ended the conversation but not before big JT called him a ‘****ing white c*nt’ and a ‘f*cking kn0bhead’. He did also add he is very good at organising a defence at corners but by this point Webber had heard enough.

While big JT and Webber were discussing the finer points of who was the bigger c*nt, Dean Smith had already put his own plans in action. Despite apparently being a massive Villain fan, Dean had secretly always craved to be the Norwich City manager. But why I hear you say? Well, Mrs R Reggae (my 3rd sauce) informs me that Dean is in fact the love child of our very own beloved owner Delia Smith!!! Think about it - Dean Smith/Delia Smith – it was staring us in the f*cking face all the time! Dean has been estranged from mummy Delia for most of his life but knew now was the time to come back home to the warmth and 40% proof embrace of his mother. After the disappointment of Franky Lampard, this was manor from heaven for Webber.

The sauces in my head are all 100% real; never doubt the Disco and never blame it on the boogie.

OTBC

Edited by Disco Dales Jockstrap
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6 minutes ago, The Real Buh said:

If this is true then I’m in total agreement

f@£k penguins, Kit Kat’s all the way

Honesty Buh, its all 100% accurate. I've just asked my voices, and they've confirmed it.

I'd have gone for mint Clubs myself.

OTBC

Edited by Disco Dales Jockstrap

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6 minutes ago, Disco Dales Jockstrap said:

This in turn upset Pukki; his staple diet as a child in Finland were penguins and so he appreciated Farke’s biscuit selection

This is ridiculous. Everyone knows these are Teemu's favourite biscuits. Think you've been done here, mate.

Screenshot_20211113-154651~2.png

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5 minutes ago, Robert N. LiM said:

 

This is ridiculous. Everyone knows these are Teemu's favourite biscuits. Think you've been done here, mate.

Screenshot_20211113-154651~2.png

WHATTTTTT! This is outrageous! I'll go and have a word with myself to check whether the biscuit selection part of my sauces information is 100% accurate.

Thanks for the info. 👍

OTBC

Edited by Disco Dales Jockstrap
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13 minutes ago, Disco Dales Jockstrap said:

finally had a chance to speak to my sauces within the club

Was it Heinz or HP? Either way, both work well with chips

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1 minute ago, Disco Dales Jockstrap said:

I'll go and have a word with myself to check whether the biscuit selection part of my sources information is 100% accurate.

I've managed to ketchup with my sauce and he's confirmed the rest of your story, if that helps.

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10 minutes ago, Disco Dales Jockstrap said:

Honesty Buh, its all 100% accurate. I've just asked my voices, and they've confirmed it.

I'd have gone for mint Clubs myself.

OTBC

Mint clubs?? What sort of monster are you??

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Save for the choice of biscuits, this is probably not far out.

Certainly more plausible than yellow_belly's account, as entertaining as it was.

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Just now, Danke bitte said:

Was it Heinz or HP? Either way, both work well with chips

WTF! How do you know Mr Chips? I thought he only spoke to me...

I hear he's been dipping in and out of Mrs R Reggae recently but that's a different story...

OTBC

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Missed Norman’s conquest 

Think we have gone downhill since Aaron’s changed his name to Air-Ron’s

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1 minute ago, Herman said:

Mint clubs?? What sort of monster are you??

I know Herman; I wouldn't have lasted a single game as NCFC manager if I'd served them up as a treat.

Apparently, they were what caused the fall out between Mike Walker and Delia Smith 2nd time around. He wanted mint, she wanted orange. Crazy days!

OTBC

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3 minutes ago, Disco Dales Jockstrap said:

WTF! How do you know Mr Chips? I thought he only spoke to me...

I hear he's been dipping in and out of Mrs R Reggae recently but that's a different story...

OTBC

I used to work in Big Fry Dereham many years ago.. I fried some serious Maris. But that’s another story for another time… 

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3 minutes ago, Danke bitte said:

I used to work in Big Fry Dereham many years ago.. I fried some serious Maris. But that’s another story for another time… 

'Big Fry Dereham'? Is that some kind of Native American settlement?

'The Battle of Big Fry Dereham'

Casualties and Losses: 123 Maris Pipers dead, 72 Cod injured.

OTBC

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1 minute ago, Disco Dales Jockstrap said:

'Big Fry Dereham'? Is that some kind of Native American settlement?

'The Battle of Big Fry Dereham'

Casualties and Losses: 123 Maris Pipers dead, 72 Cod injured.

OTBC

Battered surely? 

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41 minutes ago, The Real Buh said:

If this is true then I’m in total agreement

f@£k penguins, Kit Kat’s all the way

Nah mate,it was the secret supply of Wispas wot caused the real problems 😮

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You've missed the critical topic of Farke continually double dipping his salami in McLean's saucepot. 

No one wanted to see that in the canteen!

 

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9 minutes ago, C.I.D said:

Nah mate,it was the secret supply of Wispas wot caused the real problems 😮

Farke had a secret supply of Wispas?!!

I'm sure I speak for the whole forum in saying that, if that's true, that would be grounds for his sacking by itself.

You never. EVER. Stash the Wispas for yourself.

OTBC

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Rubbish. We know that Farke's chosen confectionery is Topic. 

There has been no Topic for Todd for many weeks.

When Skipp left he took all the chocs and we had no CDMs

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2 minutes ago, Number9 said:

You've missed the critical topic of Farke continually double dipping his salami in McLean's saucepot. 

No one wanted to see that in the canteen!

tHe vISIONs yOu hAVe bROUGHt tO mY mINd aRe tRUELy tERRIBLe!

MAKE THEM STOP!!!

OTBC

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53 minutes ago, Robert N. LiM said:

 

This is ridiculous. Everyone knows these are Teemu's favourite biscuits. Think you've been done here, mate.

Screenshot_20211113-154651~2.png

Nah, you meant these.

#JussiPussi - Twitter Search

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5 minutes ago, Disco Dales Jockstrap said:

Farke had a secret supply of Wispas?!!

I'm sure I speak for the whole forum in saying that, if that's true, that would be grounds for his sacking by itself.

You never. EVER. Stash the Wispas for yourself.

OTBC

It was the careless ones which caused the hoo-haa in training 😉

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1 minute ago, curious yellow said:

Rubbish. We know that Farke's chosen confectionery is Topic. 

There has been no Topic for Todd for many weeks.

When Skipp left he took all the chocs and we had no CDMs

Topic...the penny drops! What do Topics contain? Nuts! I should have known!

Nuts (or lack of) always cause conflict.

Just ask Hitler.

OTBC

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10 minutes ago, Number9 said:

You've missed the critical topic of Farke continually double dipping his salami in McLean's saucepot. 

No one wanted to see that in the canteen!

 

Jagdwurst (hunter's sausage), anyone? 😉

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1 minute ago, C.I.D said:

It was the careless ones which caused the hoo-haa in training 😉

Indeed C.I.D!

Last Christmas Farke shared out all the chocs but something must have changed. That said, let's not forget what Christmas is all about - not tasty concessionary treats but Jesus, especially to a child.

OTBC

 

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