The Vince Report vs Liverpool

[Big Vince 318]

Arrived at the stadium on a balmy September evening with lots of green and yellow biological units queuing outside five minutes before kick-off. Stewards appeared clueless as to where one queue started and another one finished. An omen as to what was to come on the pitch?

Match got underway to what looked a full house with lots of bright lights and flashing electronic advertising.

Wynnie appeared in the directors' box holding a fiddle. Not long after kick-off a rogue steward carelessly discarded a cigarette stub in a waste paper bin deep in the bowels of the City Stand. At this point Liverpool scored from a corner where all the Norwich players were standing around like waxworks waiting for the boy to stick it in the net. It was just like a slow motion car crash. But it all seemed to tickle Wynnie though as he started up on his favourite rendition on the fiddle. Meanwhile, deep in the bowels of the City Stand, the waste paper basket fire had now spread and was lapping at the conduits in the plant room.

The match ebbed and flowed a bit with Norwich carving out the odd chance here and there, but with Liverpool Second Reserves always looking the more assured and composed in possession and certainly the more likely to score. The Norwich players lacked any real conviction as to what they were supposed to be doing at the back and up top. The meeting with the head coach the previous morning appeared to have made no impact on their "defensive behaviour" at all. Certainly Farke did not have any brain transplant operation on the Sunday after Watford. The players were still passing it around amongst themselves deep inside their own defensive third thus giving Liverpool an open invitation to come and close them down, get dispossessed and lead to a goal-scoring situation being created. Not once did the boy Gunn take the ball in hand and kick it upfield. At one point he started with the ball at his feet and had two defenders either side of him on the goal line and it was from there they decided to start playing it between themselves. At this point the Liverpool collective started thinking to themselves "we are going to fill our boots here tonight, chaps" - and they weren't wrong. It then took an audacious flick from the boy Mumba to unlock Liverpool and set up the penalty. The Norwich players appeared to be arguing amongst themselves as to who was best placed to miss it and in the end it was the boy Tzolis who stepped up to oblige. Half-time arrived and the fire was raging away undetected in that utility room.

Soon after the start of the second-half Liverpool had a corner at the Barry Skipper Apartments End and the boy Origi duly rose unchallenged to head in. Bog standard stuff, but all too typical of Norwich. How many goals like that would the opposition have let Norwich score? Answers on a postcard to Vince, Vince Mansions, Vince Street, Vinceville. Anyway, back to Wynnie and the fire. It, the fire, had gone up the ducts and into the lounges above where the staff were battling to contain it. It didn't seem to occur to anyone to dial 999 and instead there was the sight of Wynnie in the director's box playing the fiddle with greater feeling than before. PLM decided to go and kick the ball over the bar when it was easier to score, Idah shot straight at the goalie when it was easier to score and Pukki had an opportunity to hit a bull's a*** with a banjo, but still missed the target. Amongst all this came the coup de grace. The Norwich defenders again entered into a suicide pact amongst themselves by allowing themselves to get boxed in their own defensive third with no way out. Possession was conceded and Liverpool basically played through Norwich as if they weren't there and the ball was poked in. Not once did any Canary think of putting in a tackle even though there were thousands of Canaries between Liverpool and the goal. In fact, apart from one sliding tackle by the boy Gibson, none sprung to mind in the whole game.

Soon after the third, there was a loud explosion with people running hither and thither, but there amongst the carnage and pandemonium was Wynnie, now playing with the intensity of a deranged madman. 

  

[ricardo 7,345]

Did you boo at the final whistle or wait until you got stuck in the queue on Chapelfield?😉

[Uncle Fred 526]

No mention of the lack of filling in the pies? 🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️

[ricardo 7,345]

2 minutes ago, Uncle Fred said:

No mention of the lack of filling in the pies? 🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️

Nor the number of Scampi pieces.

[Uncle Fred 526]

1 minute ago, ricardo said:

Nor the number of Scampi pieces.

Resigned from the Gunn club it had become a joke 

[ricardo 7,345]

Just now, Uncle Fred said:

Resigned from the Gunn club it had become a joke 

Even Angus can't get in now.

[robert choice 24]

If the club brings in standing areas then getting out early will be a lot easier.

[Greavsy 2,412]

17 hours ago, robert choice said:

If the club brings in standing areas then getting out early will be a lot easier.

How do you work that out - there is still designated areas per seat, with a raised / foldable seat in the allocated space.

Its not like open terracing like before.  

[Wings of a Sparrow 1,409]

It's no Mister Chops Panto, but it's better than your usual efforts.

[robert choice 24]

2 hours ago, Greavsy said:

How do you work that out - there is still designated areas per seat, with a raised / foldable seat in the allocated space.

Its not like open terracing like before.  

I think you're taking it a tad too seriously Greavsy.

[Taiwan Canary 142]

If it whiffs of bin and acts like bin, it's probably bin.

[Hank shoots Skyler 2,094]

Much much better than your usual efforts Vince, I must say.

3/10

[Big Vince 318]

1 hour ago, Taiwan Canary said:

If it whiffs of bin and acts like bin, it's probably bin.

So all disgruntled Newcastle fans really support Sunderland, right?

[Midlands Yellow 3,934]

I’ll give it an 8 Vince, you’ll never please some.

[Ken Hairy 3,759]

Yeah got to be honest, this was actually quite an amusingly enjoyable Vince post. 

Well done the boy Vince 👍

[Midlands Yellow 3,934]

1 hour ago, Ken Hairy said:

Yeah got to be honest, this was actually quite an amusingly enjoyable Vince post. 

Well done the boy Vince 👍

I’m just picturing Wynnie playing the fiddle like a mad man. 

[Big Vince 318]

On 22/09/2021 at 17:42, Uncle Fred said:

No mention of the lack of filling in the pies? 🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️

Since the boy Kemsell left, nobody is actually running the club now.

[Uncle Fred 526]

31 minutes ago, Big Vince said:

Since the boy Kemsell left, nobody is actually running the club now.

It is a good point well made, the whole club on and off the pitch seems in utter disarray 

[Taiwan Canary 142]

9 hours ago, Big Vince said:

So all disgruntled Newcastle fans really support Sunderland, right?

Binner

[ged in the onion bag 854]

16 hours ago, Big Vince said:

So all disgruntled Newcastle fans really support Sunderland, right?

Quite enjoyed your post but why be so disgruntled!    We’ve had two promotions recently and finances are pretty good compared with literally 80-90% of clubs… there are positives and given time we may have another attractive side.   It may take a third Championship title even!      Webber and Farke are trying but they remain young and inexperienced at this level, mistakes are inevitable.    Not sure what your expectations are or who you think could improve it long term.   

Yes it’s tough for us fans, too often its bloody embarrassing but we are what we are and you just have to be Bigger Vince!    No doubt everyone inside has the same frustrations.

Put your chest out and if you are Yellow, embrace it!    One things for sure, Daniel and his players need everyone of us now more than ever.  Grief and negativity.is what binners would give them.  We ain’t Binners!
 

[Big Vince 318]

3 hours ago, ged in the onion bag said:

Quite enjoyed your post but why be so disgruntled!    We’ve had two promotions recently and finances are pretty good compared with literally 80-90% of clubs… there are positives and given time we may have another attractive side.   It may take a third Championship title even!      Webber and Farke are trying but they remain young and inexperienced at this level, mistakes are inevitable.    Not sure what your expectations are or who you think could improve it long term.   

Yes it’s tough for us fans, too often its bloody embarrassing but we are what we are and you just have to be Bigger Vince!    No doubt everyone inside has the same frustrations.

Put your chest out and if you are Yellow, embrace it!    One things for sure, Daniel and his players need everyone of us now more than ever.  Grief and negativity.is what binners would give them.  We ain’t Binners!
 

For the avoidance of doubt, my expectations are very high - Norwich City ought to be competing in the Champions League every year. From Watling to Chase the club had been on an upward trajectory and I thought the next step was going to be regular European competition, but no, the Socialists have regressed the club so that it is no more than Championship.

[ged in the onion bag 854]

8 minutes ago, Big Vince said:

For the avoidance of doubt, my expectations are very high - Norwich City ought to be competing in the Champions League every year. From Watling to Chase the club had been on an upward trajectory and I thought the next step was going to be regular European competition, but no, the Socialists have regressed the club so that it is no more than Championship.

Good luck with those expectations… what drivel!    Nothing wrong with the Championship!   Did you know we are the Champions, yep, twice on the trot!  
 

 

Edited September 24, 2021 by ged in the onion bag

[Big Vince 318]

24 minutes ago, ged in the onion bag said:

Good luck with those expectations… what drivel!    Nothing wrong with the Championship!   Did you know we are the Champions, yep, twice on the trot!  
 

 

Your expectations are only slightly better than Wynnie's. He thought winning L1 was a big deal.

[ged in the onion bag 854]

7 minutes ago, Big Vince said:

Your expectations are only slightly better than Wynnie's. He thought winning L1 was a big deal.

It is if you’re an Ipswich fan and in your case I suspect the jury will be out on that one for a very long time!    

Suspect my expectations are realistic though!     …. 

[First Wazzock 902]

1 hour ago, Big Vince said:

For the avoidance of doubt, my expectations are very high - Norwich City ought to be competing in the Champions League every year. From Watling to Chase the club had been on an upward trajectory and I thought the next step was going to be regular European competition, but no, the Socialists have regressed the club so that it is no more than Championship.

Can't you find a good hobby rather than spouting this bollox?

[Ward 3 371]

I read this thread was by big vince. Lost all interest after that 

[Dr Greenthumb 746]

On 22/09/2021 at 16:48, Big Vince said:

Arrived at the stadium on a balmy September evening with lots of green and yellow biological units queuing outside five minutes before kick-off. Stewards appeared clueless as to where one queue started and another one finished. An omen as to what was to come on the pitch?

Match got underway to what looked a full house with lots of bright lights and flashing electronic advertising.

Wynnie appeared in the directors' box holding a fiddle. Not long after kick-off a rogue steward carelessly discarded a cigarette stub in a waste paper bin deep in the bowels of the City Stand. At this point Liverpool scored from a corner where all the Norwich players were standing around like waxworks waiting for the boy to stick it in the net. It was just like a slow motion car crash. But it all seemed to tickle Wynnie though as he started up on his favourite rendition on the fiddle. Meanwhile, deep in the bowels of the City Stand, the waste paper basket fire had now spread and was lapping at the conduits in the plant room.

The match ebbed and flowed a bit with Norwich carving out the odd chance here and there, but with Liverpool Second Reserves always looking the more assured and composed in possession and certainly the more likely to score. The Norwich players lacked any real conviction as to what they were supposed to be doing at the back and up top. The meeting with the head coach the previous morning appeared to have made no impact on their "defensive behaviour" at all. Certainly Farke did not have any brain transplant operation on the Sunday after Watford. The players were still passing it around amongst themselves deep inside their own defensive third thus giving Liverpool an open invitation to come and close them down, get dispossessed and lead to a goal-scoring situation being created. Not once did the boy Gunn take the ball in hand and kick it upfield. At one point he started with the ball at his feet and had two defenders either side of him on the goal line and it was from there they decided to start playing it between themselves. At this point the Liverpool collective started thinking to themselves "we are going to fill our boots here tonight, chaps" - and they weren't wrong. It then took an audacious flick from the boy Mumba to unlock Liverpool and set up the penalty. The Norwich players appeared to be arguing amongst themselves as to who was best placed to miss it and in the end it was the boy Tzolis who stepped up to oblige. Half-time arrived and the fire was raging away undetected in that utility room.

Soon after the start of the second-half Liverpool had a corner at the Barry Skipper Apartments End and the boy Origi duly rose unchallenged to head in. Bog standard stuff, but all too typical of Norwich. How many goals like that would the opposition have let Norwich score? Answers on a postcard to Vince, Vince Mansions, Vince Street, Vinceville. Anyway, back to Wynnie and the fire. It, the fire, had gone up the ducts and into the lounges above where the staff were battling to contain it. It didn't seem to occur to anyone to dial 999 and instead there was the sight of Wynnie in the director's box playing the fiddle with greater feeling than before. PLM decided to go and kick the ball over the bar when it was easier to score, Idah shot straight at the goalie when it was easier to score and Pukki had an opportunity to hit a bull's a*** with a banjo, but still missed the target. Amongst all this came the coup de grace. The Norwich defenders again entered into a suicide pact amongst themselves by allowing themselves to get boxed in their own defensive third with no way out. Possession was conceded and Liverpool basically played through Norwich as if they weren't there and the ball was poked in. Not once did any Canary think of putting in a tackle even though there were thousands of Canaries between Liverpool and the goal. In fact, apart from one sliding tackle by the boy Gibson, none sprung to mind in the whole game.

Soon after the third, there was a loud explosion with people running hither and thither, but there amongst the carnage and pandemonium was Wynnie, now playing with the intensity of a deranged madman. 

  

I actually found this one amusing, well done Big Vince 🤣