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TIL 1010

Coronavirus Joke Thread.

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Now that we have all learned over the last two weeks to wash our hands properly next week............Indicators.

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Diane Abbott is delighted that the BBC has stopped filming Holby and Casualty so that the staff can be released to help fight the coronavirus outbreak.

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Not a joke but in one of the Hitchhikers' books there is this story about a planet where the inhabitants who do useful and creative jobs decide to get rid of all the useless workers, such as hairdressers and telephone sanitisers. So they pretend civilisation-ending doom is about to befall the planet and load all the useless lot into a spaceship, saying everyone else will follow later.

Of course they never do. And the sting in the tale is that all those who stay behind, the useful and the creative, end up getting wiped out by a virulent plague caught from a dirty unsanitised telephone...

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Hairdressers - closed. Health Spas & Beauty Salons - closed. Nail bars - closed........

It's about to get ugly........
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Image result for hazmat suit 
 
Who wants to go halves with me and purchase one of these suits? Then run into a panic buying crowded supermarket screaming..... "WHICH WAY DID HE GO!!?"........
 
 
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"When asked how he would deal with the coronavirus outbreak, the Prime Minister said 'I'm washing my hands' . . ."

I've seen some comical things in the panic buying frenzy, like a lady with 12 bottles of catering size maple syrup.  What is she going to do with it?  (No, let's not go there . . .)

 

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53 minutes ago, TIL 1010 said:

Probably get slaughtered for this by the PC brigade.....

nothing changes, does it

 

 

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Posted (edited)

Not a joke exactly, but the following encounter outside a slightly upmarket coffee shop in the city today made me smile.

The owner was packing away the chairs and tables.  A customer came up and asked if they were doing takeaway.  "No, it's not allowed" he said, rather rudely.  "But there are others . . ." the customer began to reply.  "Well they shouldn't, it's AGAINST THE LAW . . . err, um, it's a loophole that must be closed".  I got the clear impression that he thought it was beneath his dignity.  "Takeaway? Moi?"

 

 

 

Edited by benchwarmer

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On 20/03/2020 at 17:01, PurpleCanary said:

Not a joke but in one of the Hitchhikers' books there is this story about a planet where the inhabitants who do useful and creative jobs decide to get rid of all the useless workers, such as hairdressers and telephone sanitisers. So they pretend civilisation-ending doom is about to befall the planet and load all the useless lot into a spaceship, saying everyone else will follow later.

Of course they never do. And the sting in the tale is that all those who stay behind, the useful and the creative, end up getting wiped out by a virulent plague caught from a dirty unsanitised telephone...

Ah yes. The 'B' ark.

I wonder if they ever did figure out what colour to make the wheel, or if the Star Goat ever arrived?

 

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Another little bit of irony.

Supermarkets have been recruiting extra staff to do deliveries and cover for those with school age children at home.  Retired staff are coming forward in droves.  My checkout lady this morning was 75 if she was a day!  Not sure how that fits in with government advice!

 

 

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On 21/03/2020 at 19:43, benchwarmer said:

My checkout lady this morning was 75 if she was a day! 

Some old bird on the Til

..................whatever next ☺️

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My wife and Ihave self isolating for sometime now,, Its quite hard work, a test of resolve, you know. Going beyond the call of duty etc.It has taken work, for both of us, take last night for instance, I gave the wife a blanket , cos she said it was colder than usual in the shed.

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8 minutes ago, wcorkcanary said:

 take last night for instance, I gave the wife a blanket , cos she said it was colder than usual in the shed.

For somebody who takes the moral high ground don't you think that is a bit sexist ?

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Posted (edited)
12 minutes ago, TIL 1010 said:

For somebody who takes the moral high ground don't you think that is a bit sexist ?

Why is it sexist? I didnt make her fetch her own blanket. She didnt have to leave the shed once yet.😂

ps I dont take moral high ground, just find your little prediliction for scantily clad young ones a bit tragic.  So I rib you a little about it.There's a difference. 

Edited by wcorkcanary
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Went to get a few bits earlier and due to the panic buying, shelves were stripped pretty much bare, so had to just grab whatever I could find.... As a result, I have just tried Crab paste for the first time... It tastes ****ing disgusting - how anyone eats that **** is beyond me... taking it straight back to the pharmacy in the morning.

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If anyone knocks at your door and says they need to stick their fingers up your @rse to test for Coronavirus it's a scam.

 

I feel so bloody stupid now...

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