If someone bought Ipswich for you, what would you do?

[The Great Mass Debater 1,078]

Spoiler alert for 'Succession' if you are planning to watch it.

 

Roman decides to buy the team his father supports for him as a surprise gift. Not knowing the first thing about football however, nor probably his father, he announces to him at his birthday party that he had bought Hearts for him.

Logan fixes him with a stare of contempt. 'Im Hibs, he says...'

 

So if someone accidentally bought Ipswich for you, what would you do?

[How I Wrote Elastic Man 1,181]

Run it slowly, but surely, into the ground 

Yours respectfully, Marcus E.

[Drazen Muzinic 1,444]

Ask them if they kept the receipt.

[Canary Wundaboy 1,358]

Wind it up.

[TeemuVanBasten 3,327]

I'd cut their cloth and run them within their means / at break even point.

Which means they'll have to accept League One football for the long term, that is their natural level now based on the size of their club if they weren't heavily subsidized.  

[The Real Buh 3,423]

Unironically delete it from existence 

[Branston Pickle 3,634]

Anyone got a match?

[Foxy2600 297]

Swap it for a set of Ford XR four-spokes......or maybe just the Laser equivalents.

[kick it off 1,948]

[All the Germans 1,075]

I'm torn, the best way to inflict pain on their supporters would be to rename them Norwich B team and make them play in yellow and green, but I wouldn't want them to be associated to us like that. I guess I'd just settle for the same way I've ruined them in every game of Football Manager that I've ever played.

[Feedthewolf 4,844]

I'd extend Paul Lambert's contract until 2030 and then go on holiday for ten years.

[Christoph Stiepermann 1,131]

I'd prob just sack Lambert, pocket the cash for any player even remotely saleable and then give the club away for free to some faceless consortium of asset strippers. Hanging onto them for any period of time would be too costly to justify the lolz of running them as a joke. ME already does that and I doubt I could do a better job, even with his money to back me up. 

[KiwiScot 1,436]

See if I could run the club into the red in an attempt to attract a stinking rich chinese owner...Scratch that....Stinking Rich Owner then sell sell sell collecting quite a nice fee while laughing all the way to the leeds.

[nutty nigel 7,509]

I'd give them to Jubswick.

[TeemuVanBasten 3,327]

10 minutes ago, Christoph Stiepermann said:

I'd prob just sack Lambert, pocket the cash for any player even remotely saleable and then give the club away for free to some faceless consortium of asset strippers. Hanging onto them for any period of time would be too costly to justify the lolz of running them as a joke. ME already does that and I doubt I could do a better job, even with his money to back me up. 

Your plan is flawed, Evans has already stripped all of the assets! 

Doubt the consortium would be interested in old desks and filing cabinets, your local scrap man perhaps! 

[Kenny Foggo 1,116]

Merge it with Norwich City..  taking the first 3 letter from us and, being fair the last 4 from them to call us Norwich 

[Mello Yello 2,279]

I'd donate it to St John's Ambulance and let them do whatever they wanted with it......

[Worcester Yellow 7]

Use them as a feeder team... blood academy players.... change their strip to green and yellow... sack Lambert...appoint Grant Holt as their manager...  change their name to Norwich City reserves... make them play at Colney .... and turn Portaloo into a squat for homeless people ...tented city on the pitch... put a communal toilet in the centre circle... and paint the whole stadium yellow and green... and take those 50 yr old poxy stars off their shirts... to be replaced with a canary dumping on their badge.... sell any asssets... sell the training ground for housing... sell all saleable players... transfer any decent young ones to our under 23's... and selll sany that are left for medical research....

 

[Icecream Snow 761]

Ban all the fans from the ground and make them play all fixtures behind closed doors 😁

[Surfer 1,547]

2 hours ago, Kenny Foggo said:

Merge it with Norwich City..  taking the first 3 letter from us and, being fair the last 4 from them to call us Norwich 

Absolutely. That is being more than fair, and respects their storied history and trophies by giving them one more letter.

 

[Surfer 1,547]

1 hour ago, Worcester Yellow said:

to be replaced with a canary dumping on their badge.... sell any asssets... sell the training ground for housing... sell all saleable players... transfer any decent young ones to our under 23's... and selll sany that are left for medical research....

 

Agreed, except I'd build the houses on the Portman Road site and play the games at the training ground, it would be a better match for their future attendance figures. 

[Zurich Canary 11]

 

[Badger 2,405]

6 hours ago, Surfer said:

Agreed, except I'd build the houses on the Portman Road site and play the games at the training ground, it would be a better match for their future attendance figures. 

They don't own Portman Road do they?

[Graham Paddons Beard 2,424]

Easy . Sell off the land . Oh hang on.

In that case I’d sell all the good players. Oh hang on again .

My asset stripping plans are tricky as they don’t appear to have any assets . 

Best I can come up with is have a car boot sale on the pitch every other Sunday. 

[Pugin 601]

I wouldn't change anything!

[Kathy 733]

Well whoever it was certainly wouldn’t get a thank you card.

[East Rider 548]

If it was a Christmas present. I'd thank them through gritted teeth, keep it inside its grubby cheap wrapping paper, try to ignore the stink emanating from inside for the year whilst hiding it in my compost bin for safe keeping and recycling.

Then, the following year I'd drag it back out attempt to wipe off some of the accumulated sh1t and with a big false smile and a cheerful 'Happy Christmas' hand it over to however had p1553d me off the most those last 12 months.

I would then have hours of fun thinking what could they do with such an awful, uninspiring and neverendingly dull gift.

[TeemuVanBasten 3,327]

17 hours ago, Christoph Stiepermann said:

I'd prob just sack Lambert

You'd be giving him exactly what he wants, must be minted from all the compo he has had. 

[Mr Apples 1,317]

19 hours ago, The Great Mass Debater said:

So if someone accidentally bought Ipswich for you, what would you do?

Gratefully decline the kind offer and tell them to stop shopping at Poundland and have a bit of class. 🤭😂

Apples

[nutty nigel 7,509]

8 hours ago, Graham Paddons Beard said:

Easy . Sell off the land . Oh hang on.

In that case I’d sell all the good players. Oh hang on again .

My asset stripping plans are tricky as they don’t appear to have any assets . 

Best I can come up with is have a car boot sale on the pitch every other Sunday. 

You could always give these two a ring Beardo...