Future talk

[MadDan 0]

Belated happy new year to you all

Been away for a bit. Had to travel down to the west country to stay with Mrs Green''s cousin. Apparently it was to be her cousin''s first Xmas since she lost her husband George and she didn''t want to be on her own.

(The fact that George was found a few days later in the Queens Arms pub wearing a dress and wishing it to be known that he wanted to be called as Mabel from thereonin was conveniently overlooked.)

Well it turns out the cousin is a medium. Looked more like an extra large to me but wiser council prevailed. She was the typical earth woman type - looked like Giant Haystacks the wrestler and smelt of badgers and pachouli oil. Odd time indeed but she insisted I celebrated every day of the festive period with her home made cider. Ye gods ! Bloody apple flavoured meths. I struggled to get through three pints at a sitting !

Before we left I was determined to test these supposed mystic powers of hers. On being told that all she required was a couple of items associated with the subject I found a used bin bag and an old battered Chaz ''n Dave LP and thrust them into her hands.

Strike me, within a couple of minutes she was off rambling away about the the future for our hard up neighbours. I managed to scribble down a bit and list it below -


Jan - Lord Sheepy is forced to recall the ''players for sale'' list he had sent around the clubs when it was found it contained the names of over thirty players who have since left ipswich since he sent it out the same list at end of last season.

Mid Jan - ipswich town fan''s message board posts it''s last claim that Huckerby won''t join City

End of Jan - Lord Sheepy declares the ipswich share deal a roaring success, another £200,000 more and they will have enough to pay the accountants fee - Lord Sheepy promptly awards himself another massive bonus payment in recognition of his outstanding management skills

Feb - Fat Joe launches a stinging attack on referees after ipswich go three consecutive games without being awarded a penalty. " Counago hit the floor at least thirty eight times in the game " claimed fat Joe " and another sixteen times after he came on as a late substitute "

Feb - Four more youth team players are released in another cost cutting measure. They are quickly restored when the money is found by asking Alan Brazil to pay for his own food at home matches.

Feb - The mysterious multi millionaire who has bought the largest block of ipswich shares turns out to be Andy Marshall. " We owe a great debt to him " admits chief executive Derek Bowden

Feb - ipswich''s win over sunderland sends the club''s fans into a new cup fever, hotel rooms in cardiff are reserved, coaches are booked and suffolk is awash with discarded Man U shirts

Mar - ipswich receives it''s first emergency payments from UNESCO third world development fund - most goes in paying Andy Marshall''s back wages

Mar - The deathly silence at poorman rd is broken with a loud cheer when the news comes through that City have finally conceded a league goal in 2004

Mar - It is announced that Elton John will not be coming to poorman rd after all. Apparently Lord Sheepy had handed over a blank contract when he heard that an aged overweight hasbeen would be happy to come to the club for a few million quid.

Mar - ipswich''s cup run comes to an end. Thousands of tubs of red face paint and Lord Sheepy monocles are left unsold, fat joe blames the ref, the linesmen, the pitch, the weather and the upcoming derby.........

.......... and that''s as far as she got.

[Pincer 0]

Too much to read there mate, that''s why i doubt you''ll get many replies

[morty 0]

Pure genius master green and I would not be surprised if about 90% of those predictions came true, don''t suppose your medium mentioned anything about them being relegated?? Problably just a bit to much to hope for!!

[MadDan 0]

Sadly not. The poor lady collapsed in a heap halfway through. Possibly the cider. It certainly did for me.

Oddly enough I received a begging letter from Lord Sheepy this morning. Me being one of numerous naughty types who enquired about shares in ipswich.

By the tone of the letter it doesn''t bode well for our impoverished neighbours. Dire implications of collapse are contained within.

With the first £400,000 going to financial advisers KPMG our rural rivals may find their fans are not so daft as they may appear. Larger investers may stay clear knowing that the rich pickings will come from the collapse of the club.

Bluntly, no promotion and Sheepy has said the club will struggle to survive. Relegation next season will not only be a certainty but a happy release.

Off to Carr Rud - bad feeling about Bradford. Sense that many think that all we have to do is turn up today. These games we must win so as to be able to play out draws against fellow league rivals.

It could look a lot different at 5pm this evening

[morty 0]

My prospectus is on the way too greeno, very naughty but oh so funny!! Especially enjoyed telling my blue work mates about the scam, everybody else thinks it''s very very amusing! Off to Carra rud meself, will be fine, easy win etc!!!

[MadDan 0]

"bad feeling about Bradford "

always on the cards, I''m afraid

[Bomber 48]

If only we could look ahead before making prdictions like that Morty. Hope this is only a glib in the promotion push and we dont hit a bad patch that West Brom have just gone through. Just goes to show though that Hucks may not be the answer to all our prayers!!!!!

[Intenso 0]

>Apparently Lord Sheepy had handed over a blank contract when he heard that an aged overweight hasbeen would be happy to come to the club for a few million quid. <

I would have thought they could have got Alan Brazil for less than that.