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First Wazzock

It's Friday Again...

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A Russian woman weightlifter goes to the Doctors and says, ''I''ve been taking Steroids and grown a c*ck''.

Doctor asks, ''Anabolic?''

She replies ''No just a c*ck''.

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A man and his wife were awoken at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door. The husband reluctantly gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.

"Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3:00 in the morning!"

He slams the door and returns to bed.

"Who was that?" asked his wife..

"Just some drunk asking for a push," he answers.

"Did you help him?" she asks.

"No, I didn''t, it is 3:00 in the morning and it''s pouring with rain out there!"

"Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can''t you remember about six months ago when we broke down and were stranded, and those two guys helped us get home? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself"

The man does as he is told, gets dressed, puts on his hat and raincoat and goes out into the pounding wind and rain.

He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there mate?"

"Yes," comes back the answer.

"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.

"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.

"Where are you?" asks the husband.

"Over here on the swing," replied the drunk.

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A flat-chested young lady went to Dr. Smith about enlarging her breasts.

Dr Smith advised her ''Every day after your shower, rub your chest and say, ''Scooby doobie doobies, I want bigger boobies!''

She did this faithfully for several months!

To her utter amazement she grew terrific D-cup boobs!

One morning she was running late, got on the bus, and in a panic realised she had forgotten her morning ritual. Frightened she might lose her lovely boobs if she didn''t recite the little rhyme, she stood right there in the middle aisle of the bus, closed her eyes and said, ''Scooby doobie, doobies, I want bigger boobies.''

A guy sitting nearby looked at her and asked ''Oh! Are you a patient of Dr. Smith?''

''Yes I am.. How did you know?''

He winked and replied, " Hickory dickory dock...."

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[quote user="First Wazzock"]LATEST OLYMPIC NEWS

The Irish Tug Of War team have been disqualified for pushing...[/quote]

Careful what you post on here you''ll be accused of being Racist by the Politically Correct Brigade

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I went into a florists and asked for a bunch of flowers for my girlfriend.

She young florist looked at me and said “Certainly Sir, what is it you’re after?”

“A sh@g hopefully.”

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Ipswich 1 and Ipswich 2 are havin'' a pint in the pub, when some scuba divers come on the TV. Ipswich 1 says, "why is it them deep sea divers always sit on the side of the boat with them air tanks on their backs, and fall backwards out of the boat?" Ipswich 2 thinks for a minute then says, "That''s easy. It''s ''cos if they fell forwards, they''d still be in the friggin boat!"

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A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn''t paying attention, so she asks him, "If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?" Johnny says, "None." The teacher asks, "Why?" Johnny says, "Because the shot scared them all off." The teacher says, "No, two, but I like how you''re thinking." Johnny asks the teacher, "If you see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor, one is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice cream, and one is biting her ice cream, which one is married?" The teacher says, "The one sucking her ice cream." Johnny says, "No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you''re thinking!"

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