The art or science of eating a chicken balti pie.

[blahblahblah 2]

It being the FA Cup, where anything can happen, I was able to take my boy to yesterday''s game. As is usual on match days, the successful eating of a chicken balti pie eluded me. It appears that the base on the pie I had was too soft to handle the filling, so I attracted to eat it upside down. This was successful to a point, that point being when balti filling sort of exploded out of the remaining pie casing.

However, this post is not to complain. The fault I fear, must lie in my technique. I was wondering if anyone has hints or tips on the art or science of a successfully eaten pie.

Yours, with a distant balti aroma,

Blah.

[lowlyfendweller 0]

You seem to have your head in the game. I predict a turn around in fortunes.

[Katie Borkins 1]

It is an art and a science and what works one week will not necessarily work the next week. However, I suggest allowing five minutes for the internal temperature to drop from nuclear to simply hot. This will allow the pastry to act as a better barrier and should stop the explosions.

Two handed is mandatory too.

[im spartacus canary 0]

haven''t had a pie since pukka were brought in by the club and the somewhat romantic notion of Delia and her team of helpers making them on a Friday night was forever dispelled.

[blahblahblah 2]

Excellent advice darth, with only one problem. In waiting for the core temperature to drop, there are only 45 minutes in the second half. I fear that I may be the last to leave if I waited for the filling to be anything less than molten.

[Katie Borkins 1]

Hmm, I see what you mean.I would suggest creating an "airhole" or two in the top of the pastry to allow the steam and radiation to escape. Without of course threatening the core stability of the overall pastry coating.

[Inch High 0]

Always consider the pie lid as separate from the rest,peel the lid away from the top and eat first this then leaves a kind of balti oyster that can be gently squeezed together allowing the actual balti to be tipped into the mouth in a controlled manner. Another thing you seem to be missing is the balloon technique style of eating,once the balti enters the mouth you then have to chew whilst pretending you are blowing up a balloon, its the chew suck blow style.

[Katie Borkins 1]

Another option would be to take a sealable sandwich bag, eat the pie from the sandwich bag and then any explosions can be contained and, by turning the bag inside out, you can still enjoy the filling without spillage.  Of course, this may attract more than the odd funny look but there comes a time in every man''s life when he has to prioritise, and I would argue enjoyment of a chicken balti pie filling overrides what your matchday neighbours might think.  Who knows, you may even end up with empty seats beside you which allows you to spread out a bit.

[Katie Borkins 1]

Apropos nothing, and at the risk of looking like I am talking to myself, the one highlight of my trip to the MK Dons in the League Cup first round (must have been 2008/9, I guess) was enjoying two Chicken Tikka Balti pies at the Stadium MK (think it was still the national hockey stadium and more like a building site as the upper tier wasn''t finished).

Having seen Omar Koroma run around in bright orange boots, blissfully unaware that a game of football was taking place around him, I decamped to the Stadium MK causeway at half time and spent most of the second half stuffing myself with pies and chips.  I had a better night than those who stayed focused on the match as we proceeded to lose 1-0 and were calamitously sh*te.

[Number9 272]

The issue has not been dealt with yet.

In the real world, after queueing at half-time to purchase a pie, you are then left with 7 mins to consume the pint in your left hand whilst juggling said pie with right hand.

Obviously pint has to be drunk prior to sitting down, pie could be eaten in the seat, but can you resist and save it for the second half?

[Van wink 2,994]

Those pies really stink, especially when fat boys have them dripping down their cardigans.

[djc 0]

Peel off the pastry lid, and use it to shovel the balti filling down ya neck. And man up a bit about it being hot. Or have a chicken and mushroom pie instead

[Kidderminster Exile 0]

no advice except do not waste your money, I now refuse to buy those Pukin pies, always looked forward to a pie or pastie before ko but now eat better from Morrisons. a backward penny pinching step for our club

[blahblahblah 2]

Excellent suggestions darth, inchy and djc. I must confess that peeling the pie off had not occurred to me, as it appeared to be the most structurally sound part of the pie. But now I concede that there may be some value in this. I like darths hole suggestion, but fear it may require more applied engineering than I may be able to muster when armed with a plastic fork or wooden stirrer. I shall indeed attempt to man up in future djc, and am currently applying for a gcse night class in manning up at the city college. Lesson one appears to be hiding your emotions after getting bad news, so I shall use the cup result as a case study.

[djc 0]

No offence intended with the man up comment, other than if taking your kid to the footy you want to proudly leave junior with the childhood memory that dad can eat a hot balti pie....

[blahblahblah 2]

None taken djc - all good sport :-)

[Mr Apples 1,317]

An interesting technique for pie consumption in Scotland is to unpeel the pie from the foil container and place it in a bread roll, thereby providing a heatproof (to the fingers), edible container which also mops up all the sauce drippage (but may not ultimately solve the initial, internal pie temperature issue). Madness or genius, I''ll let you decide!

 

Apples

 

[daly 500]

I''ve made a note to bring it up (not literally) at the next AGM, I will address it to the new Chairman Mr Ballsup personally. I''m sure with his experience in Foreign Matters we can come to a satisfactory conclusion.