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https://archive.ph/DWXnE An article about Stuart Webber from 'The Times'. Some interesting stuff about his life, career and thoughts about Norwich mixed in with a touch of bombast and self-promotion. Tbh it sounds like we don't really need a full time Sporting Director. OTBC

I've finally had a chance to speak to my sauces within the club and I think I can now give you the entire picture as to the amazing events of the last week. Firstly, why did Daniel have to go… Mr HP (my 1st sauce) stated that Farke’s downfall started when he had a series of disagreements with Todd Cantwell and Billy Gilmour that then led to further issues within the Norwich camp. Apparently, it started when Daniel went out and picked up some Penguins for a light snack after training for the lads and Todd and Billy went off on one. Both are strong Kit Kat men and were not backward about coming forward about it. This in turn upset Pukki; his staple diet as a child in Finland were penguins and so he appreciated Farke’s biscuit selection. Todd then pointed out that penguins were not native to Finland and that in fact he was probably confusing them with Alcidae, a family of seabirds which are superficially similar to them. Well Pukki lost his sh*t at this point, stealing Todd’s Alice Band and breaking it in two; they have yet to reconcile their differences. The final straw though was all to do with our Chelsea loanny starlet Billy ‘I had an OK game against England’ Gilmour. Billy had just finished his best training session since joining Norwich and was on a proper high as a result. He skipped all the way to Farke and asked if he could take the stabilisers off his bike and have a ride around Colney but Daddy Daniel said no. Billy cried and cried until he wet himself. After that, Farke was toast. Now on to Dean Smith. Within minutes of Daniel emptying his fridge of his favourite ASDA German sausage selection pack, Webber was on the blower trying to contact not Dean…but Franky Lampard! Yes, Franky was the 1st choice. Mr Heinz (my 2nd sauce) has confirmed it. Unfortunately, he couldn’t get through to Franky but managed to contact his best mate and all round man of the people big JT. The conversation didn’t last long however as big JT abruptly asked for a break-down of the squad by nationality and skin colour so he could start to write some ‘motivation slogans’ for each player. Spooked, Webber quickly ended the conversation but not before big JT called him a ‘****ing white c*nt’ and a ‘f*cking kn0bhead’. He did also add he is very good at organising a defence at corners but by this point Webber had heard enough. While big JT and Webber were discussing the finer points of who was the bigger c*nt, Dean Smith had already put his own plans in action. Despite apparently being a massive Villain fan, Dean had secretly always craved to be the Norwich City manager. But why I hear you say? Well, Mrs R Reggae (my 3rd sauce) informs me that Dean is in fact the love child of our very own beloved owner Delia Smith!!! Think about it - Dean Smith/Delia Smith – it was staring us in the f*cking face all the time! Dean has been estranged from mummy Delia for most of his life but knew now was the time to come back home to the warmth and 40% proof embrace of his mother. After the disappointment of Franky Lampard, this was manor from heaven for Webber. The sauces in my head are all 100% real; never doubt the Disco and never blame it on the boogie. OTBC