Woman in the Stands (WITS)

In  Honour of Stupid People . . . In  case you needed further proof that the human race is  doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label  instructions on consumer  goods. On  Tesco''s Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) -- "Do  not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late,  huh!)      ========================== On  Sainsbury''s peanuts -- "Warning:  contains nuts."  (talk about a news  flash)        =========================== On  Boot''s Children Cough Medicine -- "Do  not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this  medication." (We could do a lot to  reduce the rate of construction accidents if  we could just get those 5  year-olds with head-colds off those  bulldozers.)      ========================== On  Marks &Spencer Bread Pudding -- "Product  will be hot after heating." (...and you  thought????...)     =======================                                On  a Sears hairdryer -- Do  not use while sleeping.          (That''s the only time I have to work on my  hair.)      ==================================== On  a bag of Doritos -- You  could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details  inside.  (the shoplifter  special?)           =========================== On  a bar of Dial soap -- "Directions:  Use like regular soap." (and that would  be???....)       ============================ On  some Swanson frozen dinners -- "Serving  suggestion: Defrost." (but,  it''s just a  suggestion.)     ========================  On  packaging for a Rowenta iron -- "Do  not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn''t this save  me time?)     ============================== On  Nytol Sleep Aid -- "Warning:  May cause drowsiness." (..I''m taking this  because???.....)      ============================== On  most brands of Christmas lights -- "For  indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to  what?)      ========================== On  a Japanese food processor -- "Not  to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out  there, help me on this. I''m a bit  curious.)      ============================== On  an American Airlines packet of nuts -- "Instructions:  Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: say  what?)      =========================== On  a child''s Superman costume -- "Wearing  of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don''t blame the  company. I blame the parents for this  one.)      ======================== On  a Swedish chainsaw -- "Do  not attempt to stop chain with your hands or  genitals." (Oh my God..was there a  lot of this happening somewhere?)      =========================== Now  that you''ve smiled at least once, it''s your turn to  spread the  stupidity to someone you want to bring a smile to (maybe  even chuckle)...  ============================= ****Blessed  are the cracked: for  it is they who let in the light***** 

An Australian Love Poem Of course I love ya darlin'' You''re a bloody top- notch bird And when I say you''re gorgeous I mean every single word So ya bum is on the big side I don''t mind a bit of flab It means that when I''m ready There''s somethin there to grab So your belly isn''t flat no more I tell ya, I don''t care So long as when I cuddle ya can get my arms round there No sheila who is your age Has nice round perky breasts They just gave in to gravity But I know ya did ya best  I''m tellin'' ya the truth now I never tell ya lies I think it''s very sexy That you''ve got dimples on ya thighs  I swear upon me nanna''s grave The moment that we met I thought you was as good as I was ever gonna get No matter what you look like I''ll always love ya dear Now shut up while the cricket''s on And fetch another beer

After a visit to the whore house,  a man notices green lumps on his willy,   so he goes to the doctors. “That’s serious” says the doctor. “You know how wrestlers get cauliflower ears?” “Yes” says the man seriously. “Well” says the doctor “You’ve got brothel sprouts.”

This is a real mind opener!  I am going to remember it ........................................daily! Imagine that you had won the following prize in a contest:  Each morning your bank would deposit £86,400.00 in your private account for your use. However,this prize has rules, just as any game has certain rules. The first set of rules would be:         Everything that you didn''t spend during each day would be taken away from you.     You may not simply transfer money into some other account.     You may only spend it.    Each morning upon awakening, the bank opens your account with another £86,400.00 for that day.The  second set of rules:  The bank can end the game without warning; at any time  it can say, Its over,the game is over!  It can  close the account  and you will not receive a new one.  What would you personally do?       You would buy anything and everything you wanted right?  Not only for yourself, but for all people you love, right?  Even for people you don''t know, because you couldn''t  possibly spend it all on yourself, right?  You would try to spend every penny, and use it all, right?  ACTUALLY This  GAME is  REALITY!  Each of us is in possession of such a magical  bank. We just can''t seem to see it. The MAGICAL BANK is TIME! Each morning we awaken to receive 86,400 seconds as a gift of life, and when we go to sleep at night, any remaining time is  NOT credited to us.      What we haven''t lived up that day is forever  lost. Yesterday is forever gone.Each morning the account is refilled, but the bank  can dissolve your account at any time....WITHOUT  WARNING. SO, what will YOU do with your 86,400  seconds? Those seconds are worth so much more than the same amount in money.  Think about that, and always think of this: Enjoy every second of your life, because time races by so much quicker than you  think. So take care of yourself, be Happy, Love Deeply and enjoy life! Here''s wishing you a wonderful and beautiful day.      Start spending wisely , as too many seconds have already passed by.

When you have an''I Hate My Job day'' [Even if you''re retired, you sometimes have those days] Try this out:  Stop at your pharmacy   and go to the  thermometer section and purchase  a rectal thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson..Be very sure you get this brand. When you get home, lock your doors, draw the curtains and disconnect the phone so you will not be disturbed. Change into very comfortable clothing and sit in your favorite chair. Open the package and remove the thermometer. Now, carefully place it on a table or a surface so that it will not become chipped or broken.  Now the fun part begins.Take out the literature from the box and read it carefully. You will notice that in small print there is this statement:  "Every Rectal Thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson is personally tested and then sanitized."  Now, close your eyes and repeat out loud five times, I am so glad I do not work in the thermometer quality control department  at  Johnson & Johnson.''  HAVE A NICE DAY; AND REMEMBER, THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE ELSE WITH A JOB THAT IS MORE OF A PAIN  IN THE ASS THAN YOURS!  if you haven''t got a smile on your face and laughter in your heart... Maybe you should go and work for Johnson and Johnson

Hurray [<:o)]Got there after some thought

Some people may end up missing games because of them being moved for Sky. Not because they want to watch the games on Sky but because they won''t be able to get away from work to get to the games.

[quote user="DOGGER"]Can''t come this time, but hopefully will the next, will try and get fellow poster Scrapy33 to join up for next season too!![/quote]I hope you''re not going back over the border for another social event Dogger. You''ll need immunising if you are [:P]

Oops, done a Nana [:$]Sorry

[quote user="TIL 1010"][quote user="Woman in the Stands WITS"]How about that blonde bint from ''Sex and the City'' as one of the corner flags? She''s skinny enough...[/quote] They do say that jealousy is an ugly emotion WITS. While you are about i do hope you will be bringing plentiful supplies of your tasty nibbles to Nutty''s on Saturday and yes i did say nibbles. [/quote]Why would I be jealous of a stick insect? [:S]   I have curves to be proud of Tilly.See the correct thread about nibbles lol

[quote user="TIL 1010"][quote user="Woman in the Stands WITS"]How about that blonde bint from ''Sex and the City'' as one of the corner flags? She''s skinny enough...[/quote] They do say that jealousy is an ugly emotion WITS. While you are about i do hope you will be bringing plentiful supplies of your tasty nibbles to Nutty''s on Saturday and yes i did say nibbles. [/quote]Why would I be jealous of a stick insect? [:S]   I have curves to be proud of Tilly.See the correct thread about nibbles lol

If you don''t come EM, you''ll miss out on the famous cheesestraws that get munched by Team Fanny Magnet [:P]

How about that blonde bint from ''Sex and the City'' as one of the corner flags? She''s skinny enough...

Where was it advertised? I didn''t know about it otherwise I''d have gone.

Thanks Nutty and leedscanary for all the hard work you put into the thread, and to Billy too for the dosh [:D]Been a great first year to nap. At least I finished in the table even if not in the top 40. Not sure I''d want the pressure of picking the all important 6 though.See you all on Saturday, along with some nibbles [:)]

My cheese straws [:D]

It''s personal choice IMO.I only have one shirt with a player''s name and number on - Huckerby - but most of my others are blank.

All the best to the Gunn family.Clearly time for a new chapter in their lives given some of the comments on here.

The route is along Theatre St, Rampant Horse St, Red Lion St, Castle Meadow and finishing at Bank Plain.I''ll be there once I''ve got home from work [:)]

I can''t see all the piccies unfortunately.may have been at the outside bottle bar at Spoons although I was actually inside most of the time

Wonder if he and Dion will hijack it the same way Jake and Dion did earlier in the season lol

I thought it was a good bit of banter. After all, he elected to leave the club whereas others chose to stay.You makes your choices, you gets your rewards

Now, I wonder which wallpaper Kathy will have donwloaded? [*-)] lol

Wasn''t terribly impressed with the first episode of the new series. My attention wasn''t held by the storyline and I can''t stand Amy Pond''s character. She''s on a par with Donna for being annoying IMO.Haven''t been in to watch the others and frankly haven''t even been bothered to tape them either.Matt Smith does add a certain quirkiness to the role and I''ve enjoyed other programmes he''s been in so it''s not him; just not being drawn by the stories. Shame but tastes do change I suppose.

The game will be played in sunshine whilst we all enjoy celebrating promotion [:D]  [<:o)]