Ayrton Twigge

No, I''m the REAL Mark Rivers. I''m spending my summer holidays working as a taster in a doughnut factory on Craggie Island. Its been nice to get away from that fussy Mr Worthington, I''ve had me hair done right good like and got meeself stocked up on some duty frees. Put the word out via me agent, Margaret, that Burnley are interested - and dropped an e-mail to my mate Clint to see if we can team up again somewhere grand like Scarborough. See ya folks. Whistles blown. Got a supa-whoppa to sort out now.

...but there ain''t a vacancy. Is there?

Depends on the service through midfield. Current capability - 10 at a struggle. Put some class in and you''ve got 20.

Always a treat when YC''s name crops up in the thread. Talk about going off at a tangent - or getting vindictive. A bit like your old great uncle - who used to be thought provoking but who''s since lost ONE marble, but not the lot. Let this fine old gentleman have his say - reality and imagination are starting to merge.

Diving''s one thing. The other is shirt pulling/tugging through to arm holding and full-body-wrap-arounds. Totally outside the rules but tolerated by all refs. It seems like - if you''re subtle and crafty enough, even though its visible, its waved through - and if you are just plain agricultural, its an offence. Malky anyone. Forwards are divers and defenders are tuggers. Both need cleaning up.

This one''s been running for months - I''m in the "he is coming camp" as many of you will know. But for sure, we''ll know either way very soon as transfer action starts to crystalise in the next two or three weeks. Peter/Vince - any chance of you guys using your array of leading edge technology to have a web vote to see where sentiment lies?

brilliant - had me in stitches.

Preposterous I tell you. So a brand expert is telling us we need to change. A brand expert who came up with Metro, Maestro and Montego. What do those brand names bring to mind? Crap. Says it all for me. I wonder exactly how much money has been wasted on this fruitless exercise. It was only recently that the brand guru''s decided The Royal Mail wasn''t good enough anymore - and gave us Consignia!! Lot''s of focus groups and brandspeak telling us how the change was going to "take the product forward and project the right personality". PS please sign our invoice. A year later, we''re back to .....The Royal Mail again. Thankyou guys - YOU are the weakest link, goodbye. We, the citizens of Norwich, are a much larger "focus group" - and we know this is sheer nonsense. I just hope my council tax isn''t paying for any of this.

Yes it was Burley - but its an Ipswich thing. Just remembered though - Joe did make 100 last year. 100 excuses - although I wasn''t counting - at a rate of at least 2 excuses per match then seasons total would be 100. As we all know, Joe gives you at least 2 good ''uns each match. Often, considerably more when he''s on top form. Anymore 100''s anyone?

DD Can''t say I''m keeping pace with the Championship coca-cola division one league thingy (thank god we escaped in time) anymore - but thanks for the update. Poor old Joe, looks like another season when that magic figure of 100 is unlikely to be mentioned (remember 100 points ands 100 goals) but this time likely to occur - goals against column. Anyway, you didn''t mention that wonderful Mr Wilnis, whats the latest on him?

I''ve no inside info, but its so obvoiusly going to happen, and has always been going to happen since last December, that now its just a question of finalising arrangements. Trust me. And if you don''t trust me, trust Delia.

Its another one of those areas of detail that can make a big difference - like putting the photographers in a "pit". Or relaying the pitch. The team will often be in a pressing, attacking position, where a quick throw in would add to the pressure. But - for whatever reason, two balls end up on the pitch. Advantage lost. Seems to me that this has been given little priority - its the ball boys job, ball boys not fully briefed - ending in a sub optimal rfesult. If Euro can get it right, let City get it right too - and be a beacon in England.

I don''t know if anyone else gets frustrated with the return of balls into play. Whether at Carrow Road or elsewhere in english football, how often do we see a new ball thrown into play whilst the existing ball is still available. Result. We stop play instead of speeding it up. But look at the euro championship - they''ve really got it to a fine art. One ball goes out and ONE ball comes back in. Lets look and learn and make this happen at Carrow Road next season.

Little point wasting time thinking about it. Unaffordable for us. There''ll be others that can in the mid/lower reaches of the Premiership - Everton, Bolton, Blackburn for starters. End of story!

Its history repeating itself. The first options aren''t always the best options. An analogy is handy. When you go to the post Christmas sales, do you buy the first thing you see or do you take a more considered view. Usually the second option paysoff. Certainly did last year - and no reason to think the same won''t happen this time. Second analogy. The first flush of sales goods are usually crap!! Hulse, Lee, Horsefield - need I go on.

Phew. Thanks for ruling yourself out Ulrik. Someone so injury prone has got to be dubious at best of times. Best you stay put and work your way up slowly playing the very interesting Stirling Albion Reserves (apologies to Stirling Albion fans) in the jolly old highland league.

And who was at the heart of this? None other than the clear thinking, highly logical and insightful.......Mr Sheepshanks!! I rest my case.

Agree with Anderz view. Little point in going out to, say, Div 1 or lower, when they can play Prem reserves. 28 matches there for starters. No real financial drivers on us - their wage bill will not be high. We will have a small squad by Premiership standards - we will need emergency back up. And I''d expect us to progress a little further in the cup competitions. But above all, I wouldn''t be at all surprised if they do make the odd 1st team game.

I imagine there''s a conversation taking place right now, something along the lines of ..... "Now Mark, I think its about time you decided where you want to go from here. We won''t stand in your way and are prepared to cancel your current contract, giving you 75% of its full value." "zzzzzzzz" Just like we did for Clint. He knew it was an offer too good to refuse. "zzzzzzz" "Now Mark, you can walk out of here with a great fat cheque in your pocket - and get yourself a new club." "snore" "Financially, the payoff and wages of your new club wages would take you ahead of where you are here." "zzzzzz" "Mark...., Mark, do you understand me." "Eh...What. Oh, Mr Worthington, would you mind repeating that, I seemed to lose concentration for some reason!"

Hadn''t realised this was old news. Just read the following on Liverpool web site...... Norwich to go with the Flo? Story by Chris Maxwell 9 June 2004 Premiership newcomers Norwich City are reported to be interested in securing the services of French prodigy Florent Sinama-Pongolle on a year-long loan from Anfield. Having already brought Arsenal starlet David Bentley to the club for next season, the Canaries are keen to add the jet-heeled Liverpol striker to a pacy line-up already including Darren Huckerby. With Djibril Cisse''s £14m arrival now imminent, incoming Reds manager Rafael Benitez may feel the 20-year-old former Le Havre striker would be best served gaining experience at Carrow Road.

Some are for it and some agin it. I think we should park it for now because at some stage in the future video will be inevitably be used for critical decisions. Like it or not, its bound to happen. Too many commercial drivers. If we are compelled, then lets do it then. There''ll probably be some standard that has to be met. At least by waiting we''ll not waste money short term by using the wrong technology.

and mine today!! Happy birthday one and all

Mr Worthington, sir, attributes of this guy are:- one club player not on top wages runs all day quietly industrious totally reliable free probably a nice family man loves his mum drives a sensible car All the attributes you have recognised as strong positives in the past. But Mr Worthington, your majesty, there has to be more. Especially in the midfield area Don''t do it!!

For that matter - what kind of role will Mcveigh play next season. A year ago, he really was our star -and looked good initially when Crouch and Hucks arrived. By his standards the second half was poor - only glimpses of his full potential. What now- with more players arriving?

I''m with A! on this one. He''s a marked man for sure - he''s in Worthy''s sights and he''ll get him. (Delia is a big fan too)