NFL Thread

[NFL Thread]

Happy NFL Christmas everyone. Wonder what disappointment Washington will select tonight 😂

[Ha!]

Love that it was Bali who took home the other award too.

[Mark Attanasio]

14 hours ago, yellowrider120 said:

That won't happen as from what we hear the boy Attanasio thinks Webber is the 'main man'. He will want some 'stability' in terms of club management personnel in his first season at least while he works out just what a mess NCFC is in. Then, when he has begun to understand the issues of running an English professional football club a little better, he may 'come to an agreement' with Webber to dispense with said person's services but I can't see Webber going anywhere for another 12 months at least. Ditto Z Ward / Webber.   

I have it on fairly good authority that Webber was always leaving this summer and that has been the plan for 18months. I dont want to say that's 100% certain, and plans can obviously change, but that's what I was told 6 or 7 months ago by one of my best mates who knows a family member of someone in the club's hierarchy very well. That source has always provided reliable info in the past so I 100% believe it was true at the time it was said, but whether anything has changed, I dont know

[Promotion needed]

On 09/04/2023 at 09:41, mr footy said:

We need to get promoted for mainly financial reasons rather than football reasons.Our skill set and tactical awaness will not improve in prem but money will come in.We need to go up for this reason 

I have a mate who is very close friends with a direct family member of someone well placed in the club.... cryptic for a reason, but this is somebody who would absolutely know and the info provided in the past has been legit... they have told my mate that without promotion this year, we are financially screwed, but that might be a catalyst for an attanasio buyout to absorb the financial hit and pick the club up relatively cheap.

[Health + Fitness]

On 20/08/2022 at 18:29, kick it off said:

I put about a stone of what I lost back on over the last year. Had a horrific run of stuff going on, including a breakdown of a 10 year relationship and my new partner's mum passing away less than 4 months after a cancer diagnosis so im not being too hard on myself about it. Still lighter now than I was at 17 (and in about 16.5 of the 18 years since then!). Planning to smash it back off again in September once I've moved house. I reckon I can take the stone down in 6 weeks.

So been a while since I posted on here - Alot has gone on in my life since this. 

- Moved 100 miles

- Started a new job - hated the new job - got another job

- "New" partner relationship broke down after 2 years (some hope of reconciling though).

In terms of fitness progress...

- My heaviest was 15st 8lbs (March 2020). My lightest was 10st 8lbs (Dec 2021 - too skinny though). My ideal weight I reckon is about 11st 5lbs. I had gone back up to 13st 2lbs in Feb 2023.

Since relationship broke down a month ago, I've lost a fair bit and back to 11st 10lbs this morning. Not quite my ideal weight, but well and truly in the "acceptable range". 5lbs to go!

[Best Rock/Blues Guitar Solo]

 

one of my favourites

[The Positive Brexit Thread]

On 17/03/2023 at 09:05, littleyellowbirdie said:

 Others didn't buy into political union though, and they've every right to that view; it has been stated by a well-respected member on this forum that he perceived the referendum as a last chance to stop a seemingly unstoppable process of ever-closer political union that he simply didn't agree with. That's a legitimate view on the political side that I've no doubt many others share while being aware of the economic downsides of Brexit.

Thank goodness, who wouldnt want to self sabotage the economy to allow us to enjoy the fruits of leaving all decision making up to veritable geniuses and solid, honest decent people like Truss, Boris Johnson and Sunak?

[Dealing with heartbreak]

So I ended up having some kind of meltdown on Wednesday morning 😂 definitely wasn't in the calm waters I thought i was.

Been staying with family the rest of the week and they have talked some sense into me.

I decided to break cover last night and reach out, because I had a feeling it was just being strung out and i decided to just see if she would respond or not, as i had a feeling she wouldnt....

so i messaged asking her to call briefly so I could have a few questions answered that I needed to move on. Told her I wasn't angry or going to guilt trip her, just wanted an honest convo.... she ignored it. Of course she did. She isnt coming back. That's closure enough in itself. If she cared how I was, she would have reached out by now.

It sucks, because I did so much for her and her whole family through some really rough times, so not responding at all is just disrespectful imo, and reflects poorly on her.  I made some mistakes, so did she, but neither of us betrayed or hurt the other. It didn't need to end like this. I don't deserve it.

I spent my Friday watching my daughter cry when I told her she was gone. I wonder how her Friday is going...? 🤔

I'm still sad, and I still love her, but I am so done with spending time and energy on someone who just bombshelled me and abandoned me after feeding me a load of BS. Time to rebuild and time to move on. We're just at different life stages and don't want the same things right now.

Thanks once again for the support on here. Il be honest, I probably wouldn't have posted if I'd been able to think straight at the time, but kind of glad I did. It'll serve as a reminder about the consequences if im not more careful the next time I get into a relationship.

[Dealing with heartbreak]

Thanks LYB.

I'm out of the storm and into calmer waters now. Have done a ridiculous amount of self reflection about the relationship, what went wrong, what the miscommunications were, where I failed, where she failed, what her needs are, what mine were and should have been, changes that would need to be made if we reconciled etc.

Ultimately, the relationship wasn't working for her so it wasn't working for me. I've reached the place of acceptance now, where I understand that actually, the relationship had a LOT of positive traits and was full of love and care, but also it was very codependent (pushed by me) which turned it into a very high pressure situation for her, and the subsequent breakup into a very high pressure situation for me. 

I'm just going to keep putting the work in to improving myself, I have done a lot of the mental and emotional stuff already, but I've relised other traits I want to change and improve that I hadn't realised I carried.

I went to the burial site yesterday to open pandora's box on the grief and trauma from her mum's death, and it was healing. It'll be a long journey but I've taken a step. I'm eating now and going to join the gym this week and start to try to find ways to meet new people, expand my network and create an independent life. I'm striving for the position where I am zen with myself and my own life, so that when we do make a decision about whether to get back together, it won't just be her who has to decide, and I can walk away with no drama either way.

I still love her deeply, and if we don't get back together, I'm going to take some time on my own for a while and just do things that I want to do.I've put some action plans down on paper and set some goals.

I'm getting there.

Ultimately, I know her inside out, sheer gut instinct screams she doesn't want the end of this. She had several opportnities to leave me behind on Friday, she took none of them. She's not stupid, she knows her own mind even if it's clouded atm. She would have left it in the rearview then if she was going to. When she realised I wasn't pushing her to get back together immediately and had heard her request for space, but I still saw a pathway back and it could be a break with a fresh start that met her needs instead of a finite break up, she softened quite a lot, the wall came down. That was what she needed from me and she felt heard and validated. If I'd reacted any other way, she'd have shut it all down for good, but I'm comfortable with the current limbo and tightrope because I know I've changed and the changes match the future things she needs to see for me to navigate the tightrope and get out of limbo. She will see those changes in time.

The break up happened because she got overwhelmed, there was too much pressure and she blew it up. She didn't see, or really have an alternative. There is an alternative now, and I have my agency and self-respect back (I gave that to her, she didn't take it). We'll spend some time, take things slow, rebuild from the ground up, it will all figure out in the end. and if it doesn't, then c'est la vie, I'd do it all again in a heartbeat and have learned a lot, grown a lot and had an amazing 18 months or so with memories I wouldn't change for the world.

I'm very much keeping the door open, and I would like to get back together with her when the dust settles, but I'm choosing to view this as an opportunity to take my agency back and take my sense of self-worth and validation out of the hands of others for good. If we get back together, it will look very different, and I have a solid idea of that roadmap, but it will also be because I want to be with her and I choose to be with her NOT because I need to be with her.

I masively appreciate the support from each and everyone of you. That was a rollercoaster I was not prepared for.

[Dealing with heartbreak]

Also, I just opened Pandora's box on my emotions - the only thing clouding my mind (apart from the break up obv) now I've dealt with some other issues was the trauma and grief around her mum's death, my loss and what I went through when we were the primary caregivers in her last months.

I went to her burial site by myself for the first time and spoke to her.I have a huge amount of grief over it and loved her mum, but I've never been able to express it as I've always visited with the family, or with my ex. I felt like my grief wasn't as legitimate as those who were obviously much closer so I've always shut it off and just supported the others. I know that's not right, but it's how I felt. My trauma was less than my ex's and I had to be strong for her, so I compartmentalised it and shut it off.

It was intense and I let a lot out, but it was healing. I allowed myself to talk to her and express my grief and I feel better for doing it. I felt like it was a risk with my emotional state atm, but I also felt compelled. I'm glad I trusted my instinct that I needed to do it. 

[Dealing with heartbreak]

3 hours ago, FenwayFrank said:

From the outside there seem to be mixed messages there, 18 months is a long while, I presume that’s her decision only ? In 6 months time you could be chatting to a girl and think “ she’s nice” and things could change completely. 

It's hard to type this clearly so it makes sense - The 18 months changed when her emotional wall came down and I could talk to her normally. When we actually spoke properly without her putting the wall up, and we heard each other's perspectives, she stopped saying she wanted to be on her own for 18 months and changed to she could see herself being with me, but not with anyone else during that period.

It wasn't that I had to wait 18months to find out, it was that if she's not with me, then she'll be single for 18 months. If that makes it clearer?

[Dealing with heartbreak]

All good advice and gratefully received TDK. I'm in less pain than I was, I've eaten today, I can think and process things clearly now. I'm not doing anything particularly positive for myself (designs on going back in the gym but think I probably need to wait a few days after a week of no food at all before that's sensible). I hope she reaches out first, it's not really her style to make the first move but I also know she needs to breathe and the path forward has to be on her terms. We are allowed to text by mutual agreement but I don't want to make the first move on that front.

I'm trying not to overthink everything (I know I'm failing at that) but just got to see how it all shakes out in the end.

[Dealing with heartbreak]

15 minutes ago, keelansgrandad said:

I think a break is sometimes helpful. Mrs KG and I celebrated our 50th wedding anniversary in January. And during our courtship we had a short split and it gave us time to realise we were better off together than apart.

I have everything possible crossed for you.

Thank KG. It's a tightrope between hope with realism and getting carried away with hope because it's what I want to believe, at the moment. I'm just trying to get through day to day and improve myself so that she can see what she's missing when we do hang out.

[Dealing with heartbreak]

15 minutes ago, daly said:

Would imagine you need to know if there’s anyone else involved 

Women can tell you anything you want to hear

If there is move on

There's 100% nobody else involved, I'm certain of that.

[Dealing with heartbreak]

1 hour ago, keelansgrandad said:

Are you still in contact? If so, then that is a good sign.

Weve agreed that texting is ok, phone calls too much at this point, and we made a loose arrangement to meet up in 2 weeks for a drink. She said yesterday (came to get her stuff) that she could see us getting back together in the future and she was missing me and loved me. There was lots of hope from our conversation but I know how dangerous hope is when you're broken.

[Dealing with heartbreak]

6 hours ago, TheDarkKnight said:

I'm sorry to hear it.

Trust me, I know exactly what you're going through. A decade on and I'm still going through it.

All you can do is give it time. I know that you don't want to, but you have to put yourself first and look after you. If she does come back, you want it to be when you're healthy, both mentally and physically.

I lost 3 stone in the first couple of months of my experience and my skin developed strange stress blisters. So I know how Psychologically it can mess you up.

Take it a day at a time

Thank you, I've lost a stone this week already. I'm more together than I was yesterday but I just really miss her. I just want it all to be OK. My weekend was meant to be us spending time together, now it's empty and bleak and I don't have much of a network round here.

[Dealing with heartbreak]

She came round to get her stuff today. (Long read, sorry)

I know this is going to sound weird, but I feel so much happier and better for it. She came round today when she thought I'd be at work (not been in work since we split as was too broken). Cowardly move to hide from her guilt but she didn't know what to do or how to handle it and we talked that through. I was still in pieces this morning but having the conversations we needed to have was the tonic I needed to pull myself together.

I was obviously sad to see her packing her stuff and leaving, but it gave me some closure on the current situation and I understand what has happened and why. It was slightly more considered than I had given credit for but she agreed that she isn't in her normal frame of mind, and the stuff that caused the breakup was an accumulation of little things, all of which are easily fixed. It's really not a reason to throw all this away. If she had communicated how she was feeling sooner, then we could have figured it out. This whole episode really didn't need to happen. I needed to speak my truths and I did, and I was heard. We had a really positive, productive conversation.

The net result is we're friends (I know everyone says no contact is best etc, but that's not the right solution for us, no contact would drive me insane). We're not going to call each other, but texts are fine and now that I know I COULD text her and it would be responded to, it's no longer in my head that I want to. It's taken all of the insanity over wanting to reach out to her away, because I know where the situation is. I'm not going to move first on that front now that we have established the boundaries, and will wait for her to break silence and follow her lead but it's not driving me insane not being able to contact her anymore.  

Neither one of us has shut the door on getting back together in the future, once we've had a bit of breathing space. She walked in with no designs on us getting back together, and being single for the next 18months whilst she does what she needs to do, she was pretty clear about that when she arrived. When she left after hearing me out, and listening to my perspective, we both had an idea of where the changes would need to be, what a future relationship could look like and understanding that getting back together in the future is a serious option, and both of us have hope for that whereas this morning only I did. 

She told me she loves me, she said that if she is going to be with anyone that it would be me, she's not looking for or interested in anyone else, she missed me when she went to sleep last night and we kissed on the lips a few times. Not a makeout type kiss, more a peck but it was there and real.

I know some will read this and think I'm setting myself up for a fall, but I'm not putting all my eggs in this basket. I know now there's a decent shot at getting back together and I wasn't holding on to false hope but I also know there's a strong chance we won't.

Either way, I need to sort myself out so I'm as attractive as I can be, either for her when we're ready to look at that or for someone else if that doesn't pan out. I've fixed a lot of my emotional issues over recent weeks, so I've just got to rebuild a life without her, and then if she comes back we'll fit it all together, if she doesn't then I'll be in a good spot to be happy by myself or with another. Minimum is we will be friends, and until either one of us met somebody else, there's no issue with that. Cross that bridge if and when we come to it, but until then we're fine and being friends and in contact, won't stop me moving forward.

We like spending time together and enjoy each other's company so our friendship will include seeing each other (I let her lead that bit of the convo so I could get a feel for where she was at, and she still wants to see and spend time with me) moving forward, in a platonic way. Neither of us would rather spend time with anyone else, we've been best friends for two years, and there's no reason we can't continue to enjoy each other's company as both of us are comfortable with that so we've agreed to meet up on neutral ground for a drink in a couple of weeks.

I know this kind of thing wouldn't work for everyone after a breakup but for me, this was exactly what I needed to feel better. It's also given me some closure on the present, hope for the future, an understanding of our boundaries, an idea of how we move forward and what both of us want. If I'm honest, I feel like taking time out and then spending time together as friends will more likely than not see us get back together when the dust has settled a bit but I'm not presuming anything and I'm not counting on it.

[Dealing with heartbreak]

Just now, ricardo said:

I know its little consolation but we have all been there at some time in our lives and I know how sharp that pain can be. I hope things come together for you and although you don't want to hear the old sayings like, "when on door closes anothe door opens", or "time is a great healer", they are never the less truisms.

If I thought it was a choice she had made, in full control of herself, I could accept it and move on although I'd still be devastated obviously. She just isn't even close to herself right now, and she certainly isn't processing things at all, let alone normally - this is a huge life choice. I appreciate the adages but I'm just not OK with closing this particular door in these circumstances.

[Dealing with heartbreak]

22 minutes ago, ricardo said:

Life can be painful and some things can't be mended. I know thats no help in your present situation but it is a part of life that almost everyone has to go through at one time or another. All I can offer is sympathy for what you are having to go through, take one day at a time.

Thanks Ricardo. I just can't get past feeling that it can be mended and it doesn't need much to fix it, except for her to get back into her usual state of thinking. I know that may take time but this episode is temporary and she will get back to her usual self sooner or later. It's just a total bombshell and I'm devastated beyond words

[Dealing with heartbreak]

1 hour ago, Barbe bleu said:

Sorry to read this, your pain bleeds through in your words.

I'm not sure I can advise but what CW says seems sensible.  Give the space she wants but take that space for yourself too. Don't do anything daft but think of it as an opportunity to gather your thoughts and experience the bits of life you have been neglecting.

From what you describe it doesn't seem about you but about 'life events' so remain confident

 

Thank you

[Dealing with heartbreak]

3 hours ago, dylanisabaddog said:

Where is a woman when you need one? This site is male dominated and you probably need a woman to explain what's going on. 

I may be shot down in flames but how old is she? 

I'm probably the worst person to give advice because my only real experience of the fairer sex is one ex wife and 3 daughters. What I noticed with them was that they rarely if ever changed their minds, which was sometimes alarming because they would occasionally make important decisions based on little or no knowledge or experience. That may just be them of course,  but based on the flimsiest of evidence I wouldn't expect her to change her mind. 

She's 21, lost her mum at 20 and it was very sudden and unexpected. It's a huge trauma to go through, especially at that age. I know she won't change her mind at the moment, she cannot process any kind of logic or reasoning. Her brain literally cannot deal with it, so she is going to be rigid in her thinking because any kind of questioning of that adds to her cognitive load and she can't process it.... but I just feel and hope that when she does get herself sorted and can process it that she will want us again.

[Dealing with heartbreak]

47 minutes ago, king canary said:

First of all @kick it off, my sympathies to you. Breakups can be awful. My advice (although obviously each situation is unique)...

1. You're doing the right thing by giving her space and you've got to make sure you really do. It can be tempting to send texts or similar just to 'check in' but I think you've got to let her take the lead on this.
2. It sounds also like she should be looking into counselling to deal with her grief. She's clearly been through a lot and you, even with the best will in the world, won't be able to provide the support she needs.
3. Don't put your life on hold for her though. You clearly care about her deeply but you have to be honest with yourself in that there is a chance that this is it for this relationship. The worst thing you can do for yourself is sit at home waiting for her to change her mind and turn down opportunities that might take your life in a different and possibly even better direction. 

Thanks King, I referred her for grief counselling a few weeks ago when she opened up that she was really struggling - her first appointment is in 3 weeks. I know you're right about sitting, waiting, wishing but 3 weeks ago she was telling me how weird it was when we're not together and it feels like a part of her is missing when we're apart. Nothing has changed since then, no significant issues in the relationship, no arguments etc - we were happy and loving and it was just a great relationship and that was 3 weeks ago.

How do you go from that to nothing? My whole future and life plans have just been ripped away, without warning and without any real cause other than her going through a stressful time and her brain switching onto autopilot to help her survive that. I just can't lose everything we've built together because she made a decision when she wasn't in control of herself, unable to think clearly and literally had no use of her decision making part of her brain. She described herself as feeling "like she wasn't present, like she was watching herself from a distance, on autopilot, unable to process any kind of emotion, unable to think at all, not in control of herself" in the first couple of days after the switch flipped - I can't lose everything based on a decision made under those terms? I know I might but I just cannot reconcile myself with that possibility.

[Dealing with heartbreak]

Thank you TGS - the limbo is surprisingly easy to accept at this point because ultimately by the time we come to resolve that, I will have been in this new reality for a while and should have acclimatised to it. I'm hoping that by the time she is ready to make that decision that I will be fairly zen about what happens ultimately, but right now I just can't see my future without her, she's my world and I can't contemplate this not being fixed.

I don't think there's much to lionise to be honest. There wasn't much that irritated me and most of it was minor stuff. Our relationship was solid, our connection intense, loyalty unflinching, that's what's frustrating about the whole thing. There is literally not a problem in the relationship except the circumstantial stuff. The actual relationship between the two of us was thriving and full of love, laughter and fun.

[Dealing with heartbreak]

5 minutes ago, Foxy2600 said:

Geez! As one door closes, another one opens…

Genuinely, I fell in love with a complete stranger on the streets of Copenhagen.

It didn’t last but it all got put into proportion. We get 3 score and 10. 

I get that mentality but I don't feel like this door is shut. Not yet anyway.

[Dealing with heartbreak]

Thank you, I really appreciate the considered advice and support. We currently kind of semi live together, she was staying here like 4 nights a week, and was about to move in full time in a few weeks (she was excited about that and we were happily picking out a holiday 3 weeks ago - that's why I don't believe she has made this choice with any rationale except survival), but she is staying with a friend for the foreseeable future. I have reconciled with giving her the space she needs and haven't contacted her today at all. The temptation is strong, but I realise that all I will do is push her further away, as you say, so I'm refraining. She will reach out sooner or later because all her stuff is down here and hopefully we can have some kind of positive, supportive convo but any discussion of us has to be parked until she is well enough to think about it rationally and come to a measured decision.

I've spent pretty much the last 24 hours on the phone. Talking through the situation definitely helps. I even called the Samaritans last night (not suicidal, but nobody else was around cuz it was really late and I needed to talk it through). Considering whether to stay somewhere else for the weekend, I'm not in work tomorrow as I'm just not fit to be, and have already informed them.

I'm not on any social media, she's on all of them pretty much but I've pretty much kept clear of that. I know there is nobody else in the picture or anything like that so I don't really have any cause to go snooping.

I hear you about taking care of myself, I do need to do better on that front. I hadn't rationalised it as being something that she may need me to be doing if she does want support etc at any point. 

Even though I still strongly believe there is hope for us, I still can't shake the feeling of emptiness and everything being pointless right now. It's not just the loss of my relationship, because she was so much more. I'd built my life around her, she was my support system, my rock, we have each other's back always, and mostly she is my best friend. We've been pretty much inseparable for two years, and have stuck together with some horrific **** being thrown at us. It's really difficult to accept that suddenly she doesn't want my support or help, and just wants to be left alone. It's just not her. It's like losing the relationship, all the things I mentioned above, and also losing the person she is/was. I know it's temporary and she will be back once she has got through the stress period, but I just hope that when she does get back to herself that she still wants me in her life.