The Polar Bears Made Me Do It

I realise never going games makes you bitter. That sitting in a darkened room on matchdays gawping at a screen makes you feel emasculated and full of self-loathing. But, as with most problems, the first step is admission. Try this. Stand in front of the mirror, look that reflection squarely in the eye and say in a load, clear voice "I am a plastic". You''ll feel much better for it.

Apparently he wanted to return to a real club rooted in its local community. The sort of club where the fans walk from their home to the ground on matchdays. His stint at Theatre of Dreams has left him disillusioned with fans whose only connection to the team is via dodgy internet streams of games. Accordingly, as an act of solidarity and to welcome Micky back on Saturday, could all plastics keep their internet connected devices turned off. Do something else, go and support your local team. Norwich v Brighton - real fans only.

All that pocket money you saved up for all those letters on your shirt. If you scrunch your face up and wish hard enough Ricky WILL come good.

A lot of people had their heads turned by RvW''s price tag and just assumed that because we had spent a club record amount, he must be good. Their fervour was stoked by YouTube video (I refer you, m''lud to Mr Mark "Fozzy" Fotheringham and his infamous flick). In the face of the mountain of evidence to the contrary, they persist with the myth that he is a football genius let down by his team mates, the management, the board, the fans, and the City of Norwich. They have made the common mistake of confusing COST with VALUE. He cost a great of money, his value to the club is negligible - (a pub league standard player who no-one, St Etienne included, will want next season. You could even argue he has a sizeable "negative value" - a massive drain on our wage bill coupled with the fact that the money we spent on his transfer fee could have been used to much better effect. There''s a fairly clear divide. The Head in the sand, Ricky''s a genius camp is composed mainly of stream watching plastics. Those who actually go to games knew within a few games we had been sold a pup. We''d done our money, if you will. His sole contribution was to make the nearly as useless Hooper look marginally less awful.

Could all the stream-watching plastics bang their mouses to the rhythm of "You''re going in the river".

And that was just about his only touch against Everton. And I can''t remember him heading a ball after that on a whole season so it''s a fair assumption he didn''t mean to do it.

RVW is a complete tool. And delusional. The main reason we got relegated was because we p*ssed away a jaw dropping sum on one of the most useless players to pull on the yellow and green. We didn''t "practice good football". He certainly didn''t. Powder puff, clueless lightweight. Absolutely effin useless. Let''s not forget that this season he''s scored TWO goals. Not exactly Messi is he? And yet we have those still trotting out the "we didn''t play to his strengths" garbage. Stream watching plastics who never saw him play. Those who never go to games should have a special avatar so their valueless opinions can be easily overlooked.

At some point "potential" has to be delivered on. The player has to step up to delivering consistently good performances. Has Nathan done that? Does he look any closer to doing that? There has been no appreciable improvement in his shooting of delivery crosses.

Personally, I''d bite off any hand offering £10m for young Nathan and willingly drive him to his new employer. Can''t see any demand for Hooper. Scored a few goals in the jocko pub league. Flo in the PL. Can''t see us getting our money back.

Thanks for your comment STUF. Keep treasuring that priority membership card [do you get a card??], you''ll get to a game a Carrow Road one day.

No

Stevie Goble

Looked good against a bunch of Portugese kids last night and getting rave reviews. But, is he real any better than Josh Murphy? Time to ship out in January?

I would say "real fans" are those who gave the their hard-earned cash in exchange for shares which will never pay a dividend and aren''t traded on any exchange, simply because they care so much. These people are heroes! The players should form a guard of honour as they enter the stadium. Amongst the benefits is a very real sense of ownership. I, and the other ordinary share holders literally own the club.it makes you care that much more than a mere ticket holder.

And another one who won''t be at the AGM ....